Brenda Says...

Flash Back Friday

2012-01-27T15:21:00.001-08:00

Recently I spent time with a friend that I made back in high school. Ten years of off and on friendship that started my junior year of High School. Prior to fully devoting my life to Christ I wasn't the best role model out there. I had a mouth like a sailor, I didn't care about much of anyone but myself and my friends, my family was last, and all I cared about was the weekend, going out and having fun.

Whenever I run into someone from High School that I haven't seen in quite a while I tend to get this flustered feeling. Almost a feeling of inadequacy, I revert back to thinking I'm still the 17 year old girl who used to drive like a maniac with her system bumping way too loud. The girl who falsely pretended she didn't care what anyone thought of her. I sit here and I think about the feelings that come up when I see someone from back in the day. "They don't know that's not me anymore.." or "They probably think I'm still mean and self absorbed".

As those thoughts flood my mind I quickly remind myself that I am God's and He is mine and that through Him I've become new. I'm sure the 100's of people in my graduating class don't know that I'm different, but God knows. If it wasn't for Him there's no telling where I would be. So while the thoughts of my previous life of living for me and doing what I wanted regardless of the consequence come to mind, I hold those thoughts captive. I speak life over myself, the same life that so many incredible people have done along the way.

This post isn't so much about High School and the people I encounter from that time of my life. It's more about the fact that we at times care a little bit too much about what others think of us. Don't get this blog wrong, be respectful of authority and the Godly men and women who have been placed in your life. But when it comes to trying to impress others just so you look good, think again, it doesn't impress God.

I am new, I am not inadequate, and to Him, I am priceless.

Day 5: "Back to Reality"

2011-11-14T00:29:00.000-08:00

Day 5. Bed rest is officially over. Tomorrow I enter the real world of clocking in, lunch breaks, and interacting with more than my Macbook and iPhone. Even though the mandated bed rest is over it doesn't mean that I will stop with the resting. I will be doing my absolute best to not over exert myself and really continue taking the time to heal up completely.

These past five days haven't been easy. I will say though, that they have been a huge blessing. From Wednesday night when I got home from the Dr to this moment right now I feel like a new person. I am able to walk more than I was, I am not in constant pain, and my spirit is much higher than it was. My daily doses of steroids and pain pills will continue on until November 28th so there is still so much more room for improvement. I am not 100% better but I have faith that soon I will reach complete healing.

For anyone who has followed along in this adventure with me you would have read my previous blogs about what God has been teaching me. Journaling everyday has been really good for me. I'm a processor. If I don't actually sit down and write out my thoughts I feel as though they float around in my brain and never get addressed. This time alone has really allowed me to focus and realign myself with Him.

One of the top things I felt He reminded me of is that He is more concerned about my relationship with Him, than He is about what I'm doing for Him. It's classic really. I always end up doing things FOR Him instead of with Him. And I always find myself getting caught up in the work of God, and not so much in the relationship with God. It felt like it was a reminder to me that all He wants is me. Yes, I'm sure He's happy with me in that I do what He asks of me, but I know he is more concerned with what He and I share.

If I ever had any doubt that I was loved and cared for this experience would have proven me wrong. I am beyond blessed with the family and friends that I have as my support system. The person that I am always wants to give and has a hard time receiving. These past days have been amazing to let others take care of me. I am a very independent person, anyone who knows me at all knows I like to take care of myself. Even when it comes to God I feel as though I say "Hey God, it's ok, I got this" when really I don't.

It almost feels like me letting my friends and family take care of me was me letting God take care of me. I thank Him for that. I thank every person who called, texted, visited, hung out, picked up my slack at work, and held down the forte at Remnant. I sit in awe of how many blessings I have.

In the spirit of Thanksgiving I urge you to really look at what you are thankful for. If you woke up tomorrow with only the things you thanked God for the night before what would you be left with? Just something to think about.

Please continue to pray for my 100% healing. I believe He can, I believe He will, all in His timing.

Day 5: It's over :)

Day 4: "Fragile Handle with Care"

2011-11-13T22:16:00.001-08:00

Bed rest day 4. Today I think has been the most difficult of days for me. Sundays are usually my day to be at the church, spend time with friends, be out and about enjoying life. I instead was home from sun up to sun down. I guess you can say I got the fever, the cabin fever. I broke the rules a bit and stood outside to catch a breath of fresh air. The weather was absolutely gorgeous today.

Through this entire process I have to be very careful with all the things that I do. Getting in and out of the car, posture, the way I twist, bend, pick up things, etc. It's exhausting just typing it as I'm sure it's exhausting to read. I was telling Gretchen and Justin last night that it's hard because it's not like I have a cast or a brace that people can see there is something physically wrong with me.

I constantly have to be telling people (nicely) to handle me with me care because I am fragile. As much as I love kids jumping on me, or students giving me bear hugs, for the time being I have to refrain and be careful.

Gretchen, being the thought provoker that she is said to me "I wonder how true that is of people who are broken on the inside?" you don't know that they are broken because there is not a physical hurt, cast, brace etc. How many people are walking around with an invisible sign over their hearts that says "Fragile Handle with Care"

How many people do we talk to on a day to day basis that are hurting or broken on the inside? Who are we taking the time to minister to in order for us to really know and get to see what's going on underneath?

It's easy for me to fall into the trap of feeling like the victim who feels sorry for herself, but the truth is there are just as many other hurt people out there right now. My situation doesn't make me any more special, it just makes it unique to me. I thank God that I am surrounded by those willing to help and walk through this with me. But it pains me to know that others don't have that same support system.

My challenge to myself and anyone who reads this is to reach out, you never know how it could change someone's day, let alone change their entire life.

Day 4: Rough start, thumbs up ending!

Day 3: "The 5 Love Languages"

2011-11-12T22:22:00.001-08:00

Some of you may be familiar with "The 5 Love Languages", if I were you I would suggest reading the book and taking the test. I personally believe that it is an incredible way to find out how you give and receive love. I think for anyone, regardless of whether its a romantic relationship, family, friends, that it is important to know how your heart works.

Words of Affirmation

Actions don’t always speak louder than words. If this is your love language, unsolicited compliments mean the world to you. Hearing the words, “I love you,” are important—hearing the reasons behind that love sends your spirits skyward. Insults can leave you shattered and are not easily forgotten.

Quality Time

In the vernacular of Quality Time, nothing says, “I love you,” like full, undivided attention. Being there for this type of person is critical, but really being there—with the TV off, fork and knife down, and all chores and tasks on standby—makes your significant other feel truly special and loved. Distractions, postponed dates, or the failure to listen can be especially hurtful.

Receiving Gifts

Don’t mistake this love language for materialism; the receiver of gifts thrives on the love, thoughtfulness, and effort behind the gift. If you speak this language, the perfect gift or gesture shows that you are known, you are cared for, and you are prized above whatever was sacrificed to bring the gift to you. A missed birthday, anniversary, or a hasty, thoughtless gift would be disastrous—so would the absence of everyday gestures.

Acts of Service

Can vacuuming the floors really be an expression of love? Absolutely! Anything you do to ease the burden of responsibilities weighing on an “Acts of Service” person will speak volumes. The words he or she most want to hear: “Let me do that for you.” Laziness, broken commitments, and making more work for them tell speakers of this language their feelings don’t matter.

Physical Touch

This language isn’t all about the bedroom. A person whose primary language is Physical Touch is, not surprisingly, very touchy. Hugs, pats on the back, holding hands, and thoughtful touches on the arm, shoulder, or face—they can all be ways to show excitement, concern, care, and love. Physical presence and accessibility are crucial, while neglect or abuse can be unforgivable and destructive.

I've realized more and more over the course of this year that my TOP Love Language is quality time. To me there is no greater gift you can give me than to spend time with me. Don't get me wrong, a gift here and there is always nice too.

Through out these past few days I have been blessed to spend quality time with some of those I love and care about. Through my journaling time today I was writing about how I love and value quality time because it is priceless. You can't take it back. You can't put a price on it. I value when others take time out of their day to just be with me.

As I was writing this out to God, as if He didn't already know what my love language is. I heard him say "that's mine too". If I want quality time with those I love, how much more does God want quality time with me? My biggest thing with this love language is that I never want people to feel forced to spend time with me, I would always want it to come from a place of genuine excitement to spend time together.

I would imagine that God feels the same way. That He would want quality time that is not forced, but that comes from a place of yearning to be in His presence. The thing about me with quality time is that to me it doesn't mean that every second of every hour has to be spent talking. It could easily be sitting in a Starbucks across from me doing work on your laptop. Or sitting on the couch watching a movie. It's the sheer act of just being with me.

It really got me thinking about how much does God want that? To just BE in His presence. Not always talking, but also just listening to what He would have to say.

We make time for things we value, if God is a value and a top priority to us, then we too should be making time for Him. Not out of obligation or because we feel forced, but because I truly believe we could be loving on Him the way we expect others to love on us. We can't expect others to do things for us that we aren't first willing to do for them.

Day 3: Still trucking.

Day 2: "Thorn in the Flesh"

2011-11-11T22:32:00.001-08:00

Day 2 of bed rest. This is what has been rattling around in my mind.

2 Corinthians 12:8-10

"Three different times I begged the Lord to take it away. Each time he said, “My grace is all you need. My power works best in weakness.” So now I am glad to boast about my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ can work through me. That’s why I take pleasure in my weaknesses, and in the insults, hardships, persecutions, and troubles that I suffer for Christ. For when I am weak, then I am strong."

I was doing some studying and came across this. I honestly couldn't have written it any better.

"Paul prayed to Christ who knew physical suffering and could sympathize with him.
Paul prayed specifically, "that it might depart from me". He felt it was a handicap hindering his service to the Lord. He was asking for immediate healing.

There are a number of things we know that are according to His will. There are a number of things we know that are not according to His will.
However, there are a great number of things which we do not know the will of God until He reveals them to us. God reveals them to us most of the time through events in our life.

The Lord gave Paul an answer to his prayer in 14 words.
"My grace is sufficient for thee: for my strength is made perfect in weakness".
All prayer is answered. God either says YES or NO. Sometimes the YES is not always as we expect or want it. Many times God says, "If I do not rid you of the trouble, I will give you grace for victory over it". Denial of Paul's request did not mean destitution but deliverance. The weight was not lifted but greater strength was given to bear it.

Paul was given something better than he asked for.

Would it have been better for Paul to have gotten rid of the thorn? Surely not, for without it he would have, "exalted above measure" Spiritual pride would have robbed him of his humility and he would then be a despised teacher instead of a greatly loved teacher. God couldn't have used him in the writing of NT scripture.

Someday we will see that the prayers of ours that were not answered according to our asking have brought to us the richest things in our spiritual walk. We ask for strength that we might achieve; we are made weak that we might obey. We ask for health that we may do greater things; He has given us infirmity that we might do better things. We ask for riches that we might be happy. He has given poverty that we might be wise. We ask for power that we may receive the praises of men; we are given weakness that we might feel the need of God.

Many Christians miss life's greatest purpose until they learn that there is divine guidance in pain, edification in illness, blessing in suffering and a whole lot of heaven in our handicap. Our need is never greater than His grace.
God can heal our infirmities and sometimes does, but often He supplies the grace sufficient to endure, and strength to carry the burden with victory.
BUT--THERE MUST BE THE RIGHT ATTITUDE ON OUR PART.

When Paul was told he must carry the thorn to the grave, and Christ would help carry the burden of it along the way and it would be a blessing to him, he began to sing this song.
Most gladly therefore will I rather glory in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me. Therefore I take pleasure in infirmities, in reproaches, in necessities, in persecutions, in distresses for Christ's sake: for when I am weak, then am I strong."

Day 2: Complete.

Day 1: "The Big Thing"

2011-11-10T21:38:00.001-08:00

Today has been my first official day of bed rest. Being home alone all day really makes you think about anything and everything.

One of the top things that stuck through my head through the day was this idea that everyone waits for "the big thing" to happen in their lives in order for their lives to change.

I've come to realize that I personally don't believe that its ever just one big thing so much as a lot of little things through out our day to day lives that encourage change. The different routines that we create for ourselves that would in turn shape our future.

For example-- you want to lose weight? It won't happen overnight, because the reality is you didn't gain it overnight. It happens every time you make a choice to eat something healthy or unhealthy. It won't take a two hour one time work out, it will take several 30-60 minutes a day to see results.

You want to be closer to God? Spend time with Him everyday. Don't wait for that one time a week that you go to church and expect your relationship with Him to be stronger because of the one hour you spent in the 168 hour week. Don't wait on a convention or conference for "the big thing" to happen to you in order for your life to be better.

Everything in life worth doing take steps.

These thoughts started flooding my mind as I sit/lay in my current state. Some have been saying that this may be my "big thing" to really show me that I need to slow down before I run myself into the ground.

It will only be my big thing if I allow myself to STOP and learn from it. Applying everything I learn through this and making necessary changes for me to not end up in this situation again.

Don't get me wrong, some of the biggest things that have happened in my life have changed me for the better. Losing loved ones, break ups, physical impairments. They have forced me to really push myself into making better decisions for myself. But just like any event in our lives, they are only as good as what we learn and apply.

"Life is 10% what happens to you and 90% how you react to it"

If after my "big thing" I go back to making the same choices, same routines, same everything, what good is the event that took place? The event itself didn't change me, but choosing the positive steps after did.

I'm taking the next five days as a blessing. A forced vacation if you will. I'm taking this time to really STOP. LISTEN.PRAY. Seeking God's wisdom and guidance. I know that it may seem silly, but these next days will be a revelation from Him, but only if I seek it.

Day 1: I made it.

Bed Rest

2011-11-09T18:14:00.000-08:00

I just got back from the Dr. and while the thoughts of said visit are still fresh in my mind I decided to jot them down.

I am going on six weeks now with the same issue. I decided to go back to the Dr. because my pain pills haven't been working as well as they used to. Ever since starting physical therapy I feel as though I am progressively getting worse. It's a concern for me when I literally can't walk more than a few steps.

The Dr. said that he doesn't think it was a good idea for my previous Dr. to put me in physical therapy so soon. His thoughts behind that were that my sciatic nerve didn't have enough of a chance to lower the swelling, therefor the therapy inflamed the nerve. Thanks Kaiser.

I have been put on bed rest, or better yet, couch rest for the next five days. I have also been put back on steroids for the next 20 days. Steroids and I have a love/hate relationship I love that they make me feel better, HATE that they make you gain weight. The combination of gaining weight, not being able to exercise and having a massive appetite aren't a good mix for a girl. C'est la vie, right?

On the bright side, he says that surgery is no where in my near future. He says if I have surgery I am looking having chronic back pain the rest of my life. That at this point I need to rest, and work through it with steroids, and then rehab once my swelling goes down.

Physical Therapy

2011-10-27T12:22:00.000-07:00

Yesterday I began treatment with my Physical Therapist. I didn't go in there with high hopes and I left with even smaller ones.

The Dr. did her protocol exam where she examines my muscles, my spine, my reflexes, etc. She says my muscles are weak and we need to do everything we can do get them strong again. She also stated that my spine and posture are crooked. Really? I hadn't noticed.

The plan: to do daily exercises to strengthen my muscles. Visit one time a week for 6-8 weeks. Ice my back every two hours for 10-15 minutes for 4 weeks.

This part of my post may be kind of a stretch, but track with me while I process.

Last night I was laying in bed reading about Jesus feeding the 5,000. The disciples had suggested that they send the people away to go eat but Jesus said "You feed them" to which they replied that they didn't have enough to give them. So Jesus told them to go and see what they did have. At that time the young boy gave them five loaves and two fish. Jesus then used that to multiply and give to eat to everyone, including left overs that filled up twelve baskets.

Here's my thought, Jesus didn't perform the miracle without first getting something from the disciples to work with. I think this past month I've been waiting for God to perform a miracle and completely heal my back to 110%. I'm not saying He can't still do that, but as I was laying in bed doing my exercises I thought to myself "this physical therapy process could be my loaves and my fish" as in, I really felt like in order for me to get better I need to do my part.

Doing my part would include going to my weekly visits, doing the daily exercises, and doing my best to keep myself healthy. That is all for now.

Still a work in progress...

Update

2011-10-25T10:29:00.001-07:00

Today marks one month since I've been experiencing back pain. I wish I could say that I am 100% better but the truth is that I'm about 20% better. Since my last post I have seen my primary care Dr who sent me home with steroids, muscle relaxers, norcos (pain pails), and a referral to a back specialist.

Upon meeting with my back specialist she recommended I give physical therapy a shot. She also advised me to stop going to the chiropractor because she feels they cannot fix what I have. It is suspected that I have a herniated disk that is effecting the sciatic nerve. Once the sciatic nerve is involved it inflicts pain through out the entire leg, also causing numbness to a certain degree. I am currently experiencing all of these symptoms.

Being that this has been going on for a month you can imagine my frustration with not being able to do things at full capacity. I still struggle with standing for more than a few minutes at a time, and I still can't walk far distances. It's a helpless feeling for an independent person like myself to know that I can't do everything I could before. My mother as amazing as she is, recently came to my apartment to clean and wash my clothes while I sat on the couch working on my laptop because I couldn't do any of it. Her being there to help me is of course a huge blessing, but it's also frustrating.

Emotionally-- I am better. Well, I don't know if it's better, I think if anything its turned from being emotionally teary, to emotionally angry. My patience is limited and my temper fuse is shorter. Is my pain a reason to lose my cool? No. I would say that it should extend grace when I don't respond in a manner that I should. But I also know that regardless of how I'm physically feeling it shouldn't dictate how I act and treat others. A work in progress.

If you read this, please be praying for God's healing power over me. I know that surgery is my last resort, but it's looking more and more like something that I need to consider.

B.

Twelve Days Later

2011-10-06T20:01:00.000-07:00

For the past twelve days I have had the most excruciating pain in my lower back, my sciatic area to be exact. I’ve had back issues ever since I was kid due to a bad car accident where I wasn’t wearing my seat belt. I’ve known chiropractors and physical therapist most of my life.

The pain normally flares up and last no more than a day or two. This pain that I feel now is more than I ever have before. The fact that it wasn’t going away really started to concern me. With a visit to my primary care Dr and a bottle of Ibuprofen later the pain is still there. I finally gave in and made a visit to a highly recommended Dr for chiropractic treatment.

After my first initial exam and x rays it was evident that I have a severely damaged disk that is directly linked to my sciatic nerve. If you know at all what this feels like, I’m sorry. I would never wish this type of pain on anyone. I will be going to the chiropractor for the next month three times a week for adjustments and electric stimulation. If that doesn’t work we move on to decompression that costs 7,000. If that doesn’t work then it’s time to consider surgery. I am putting faith in that I won’t need to go past doing weekly adjustments.

It may not seem like a big deal, but its effecting everything that I do. As easy as it used to be to get in and out of my car, in and out of my bed, walking from the parking lot to my office. These are all things that I now I have to add extra time to because I don’t move as easily as I used to. I risk ripping ligaments so I have to take it slow.

I can handle pain pretty well so the fact that this is effecting me as much as it is can show you how much I am not exaggerating. I would say the worst part about all of this is the emotional toll it’s taking on me. I’ve come to realize that I am emotional person. I think it comes from years of pushing my feelings to the side because I didn’t grow up with a family who embraced feelings and emotions. We were taught that we’re fine, and to move on.

The emotional drainage that I am experiencing is exhausting to say the least. I get frustrated when I can’t walk from my room to the kitchen without stopping because it hurts. Frustrated that I can’t stand for too long. Frustrated that I can’t properly stand up straight.

I know things can be worse. They can always be worse. I’m reminding myself that I am truly blessed that this problem isn’t something bigger. Blessed that it is treatable. Blessed that I can afford to pay for the treatment I am receiving. And finally blessed that situations like these always remind me who cares about me and who is willing to take care of me when it’s needed.

I don’t do well with depending on others. I always feel that when situations like this arise that God is teaching and reminding me that it’s ok that I get taken care of for a change. I’m used to being the one who takes care of everyone. But the reality is that I can’t take care of anyone, if I’m not first taking care of myself.

Fan Friday

2011-09-02T10:46:00.000-07:00

This morning I read a blog post from first year LSSC student Jessi Pestana. You can find her blog here http://hummingbear2.wordpress.com/

If you know anything about Jessi its that she is a unique young woman with a heart of gold. After reading her blog this morning I thought to myself "wow, she's come such a long way!" I always love seeing the beauty in the work of God when he transforms hearts. Jessi has made her heart 100% available for God to mold it however He sees fit.

Jessi,

You are such an incredible person. From where you were to where you are is night and day. One of the things I love most about you is your ability to be transparent. You putting yourself out there is giving us a first class seat to watching God paint his masterpiece on the canvas of your heart and soul. It continues to fuel my fire watching how you have let yourself be changed by Him. It gives me that much more reason to want to continue going after students in our community.

You have been blessed with so many gifts, writing being one of them. I encourage you to continue using that gift because I guarantee it will change lives! It has already impacted mine. Know that you have so much to offer this world, I believe you are just beginning to scratch the surface of all that entails.

I'm honored that I get to be a small part in your journey, keep seeking after all He has for you with everything you've got! I'll be here if you ever need anything from me, guaranteed.

Fan Friday

2011-07-15T09:37:00.001-07:00

Today's Fan Friday: Brooke Vande Vegte!

It's really been amazing watching you from when you were singing in Kidzone, to singing on Mondays, to Tuesdays, to then singing on weekends. You are not at all the same girl you used to be. You are now a young woman ready to start taking on the world. I remember telling you sometime last year how it's been awesome watching you transform. I think back to that moment to now and I'm blown away by how much you've grown in your ability to sing, play, and lead. You are a natural born worship leader.

I look forward to the day when I get to see you recording your own songs, and even maybe singing with Phil Whickham ;) Don't let anyone stop you from what God wants to do with your life. You will always run into people who want to extinguish the fire inside of you and your dreams. Don't give anyone the power to be negative in your life. Surround yourself with supportive people who are going to continue pushing you to your fullest potential. Keep seeking after God and He will continue to open doors for you to use your influence for good.

Remnant, Kidstudios, and South Hills are blessed to have such a beautiful heart leading in our ministries. Thank you for all the hard work you put into each and every single thing you do. Love you, Brookey!

Fan Friday

2011-07-08T09:43:00.000-07:00

This weeks Fan Friday features: Christian Amador aka Chef Christian from Kidnation Studios.

Christian,

When I think of you I think of that infectious smile that brings so much joy to my heart. You have the ability to change the temperature in any room just by walking into it. Your positive attitude is something I admire and strive for.

I know I tell you this a lot but I always feel like I never say it enough. Thank you for always putting forth 100% effort. Your positive attitude, your heart, and your willingness to serve are the ingredients (see what I did there) of an incredible leader.

Know that I fully support whatever avenue of ministry you choose to pursue. Remnant and Kidnation are blessed to have you as part of the team. Your influence continues to make waves through out our students lives. I love that you aren't "too cool" to hang out with the younger kids and students. It's rare that you find someone who can serve in children's, youth, young adults, and main services. You have a gift of being able to relate to any age.

I can't say it enough how excited I am to see what God has to do through you and with you. I don't think you realize how truly gifted you are. One of the most amazing qualities about you is that you have a humble heart. Being humble doesn't mean thinking less about yourself, it means thinking of yourself less. I know you have confidence in yourself that you are an incredible guy, but I also know that you shine that onto others.

Lastly, I love how thoughtful you are. Thank you for always being willing to take care of any need I have. Whether that's bringing me coffee, making me laugh, making sure things are done, or just plain smiling to make my crazy day better. I appreciate all of it. Thank you for choosing to be part of the Remnant team. Love you, Christian!

P.S. When you're famous, don't forget about me ;)

End of an Era

2011-07-05T11:13:00.001-07:00

There she is in all her beauty. The first car that I have ever purchased on my own at a car dealership. My old car pictured up top was the car that I had been driving for 3 and 1/2 years. I originally had a Toyota 4Runner that was costing me a cool $560 dollars a month. Not including insurance. I decided that it would be smartest to sell the 4Runner and get something easier on the wallet. So I sold it literally the day before I left for Africa and when I got back I purchased my little red Civic for a whopping $800 dollars. Three and a half years and close to 2,000 in repairs later she decided to get hurt enough to the point where I wasn't willing to fix her.

Enter my new beauty. I purchased her on July 2nd and I could not be happier. It still hasn't fully registered in my mind that she's mine. From what I was driving to what I am in now, I feel like I'm driving a Lexus. Small things like the radio having more than one station that works. The windows rolling up and down like they are supposed to. My locks actually locking. The AC working is a HUGE blessing! I still look down at the odometer to make sure she's not going to over heat. I forget that this car doesn't have that issue. It's honestly just another reminder of what a blessing these small things are. I'm sure most people don't think twice about the fact that their doors lock or their windows roll up. To me, it's a luxury.

The crazy part about this whole car buying experience is that I did it on my own. I didn't go in their with a man like I was told I should. I went in there knowing exactly what I wanted, how much I was willing to spend, and what I was and wasn't willing to compromise on. When it comes to buying cars and negotiating anything financial my dad was the one who would be there for me. He was the one who would say what was and wasn't a good deal. He was a super intimidating guy, having him there with me would have been nice, but I know he would have been proud of the way I handled myself. Silly how something as simple as buying a car would make me miss him, and yet holidays like Father's Day don't phase me much anymore.

The car has not yet been named. When she is officially named I will share with everyone.

Weekly Weigh In

2011-07-02T09:26:00.000-07:00

Weekly Weigh In Results -0

I am happy to report that I did not lose, nor did I gain. Let me explain why I'm happy about that.Today was one of those days where I didn't want to step foot onto a scale, literally.

These past two weeks I worked out a total of ZERO times. I suppose I can't give excuses, but if I had to I would tell you that I was unable to get to the gym for lack of transportation. My car broke down late last Friday night and I was without a vehicle up until today.

The lack of vehicle also caused for not being able to go grocery shopping. Of course there are healthy options at fast food places, but when you don't have the opportunity to prepare meals beforehand your choices are limited.

And to top it off I had a friend visiting from out of town. This included trips to In N Out, Slaters 50/50, and a day at Disneyland. A day filled with corn dogs, pretzels, ice cream, and Pizza Port pasta.

It's easy to give excuses. If you want your desired results there is no room for excuses. All it takes is the will power and self control. Both of which I did not have these two weeks.

Fan Friday

2011-07-01T09:21:00.000-07:00

Fan Friday: Jesse Santangelo

AKA "Santangelo! Santangelo! Santangelo!"

Jesse,

This morning I was remembering back to Remnant birthday last year when you shared your testimony. Looking back to where you were then to where you are now has been so amazing to see. I don't think you realize that the growth you have experienced isn't something that just happens, it takes work. It's takes work that you have been willing to put in because you realized that God has more for you.

It doesn't take but one conversation with you to know that you are something different, someone special. I am honored and privileged to have you as part of the team. Knowing that you support myself and our team where ever we go, and whatever we do means a lot to me. Your leadership abilities have risen and so has your influence. Always remember "with great power comes great responsibility". In the role that you are in you have been given great responsibility. Not only to be leading yourself to higher ground, but now you have a team of people that are there to follow your lead.

Continue pushing yourself to grow and better yourself. I'll be here along the way to be your loudest encourager. Always know that I am proud of who you are and who you continue to become. Being a great leader doesn't mean you need to be perfect, but it does mean that you do your best to set the tone and example. Remember that you are constantly being watched, not so others can catch you doing something wrong, but so that others know how to be.

I start thinking about where you will be in five years, ten years, etc. I don't know exactly where you will end up, but I know that you will be successful at whatever you put your mind to. You are one of the most intelligent students I know, don't let your talents and giftings sit and get dusty. Keep seeking after Him and He will direct your path. No matter what, follow your heart. Follow after the dreams and desires He has placed in you.

Thank you for always bringing your joyful smile and attitude to Remnant J. High. I always love seeing you front row!

P.S. I bet they never thought you would get "Fan Friday". You know what you tell them? Never say never ;)

Making A List, And Checking It Twice

2011-06-25T13:25:00.001-07:00

In the past few months I’ve heard more people talk about making a list of things they wish to find in their future husband or wife. I was in a conversation with a good friend of mine about relationships when I was told that I should write out a list of all things that are non-negotiable in what I would hope and pray to find in a husband.

Where do you start when making a list of the so called “perfect” man? It almost seems like a joke to think that you would find someone that fits into this perfect mold of a man that you want forever. I fully agree that you should know what you like and dislike, and that you should know the things you are or aren’t willing to compromise. The thing about writing out the list isn’t so much that you are finding the perfect man. It’s that you are setting the guideline for the things that you know in your heart you can’t live without.

I won’t share my entire list with you but I can tell you that my TOP non-negotiable about a man that I desire (other than loving God with his whole heart) is that he NEEDS to be funny. Humor is too much apart of my life to be with someone who doesn’t make me want to laugh until I cry. After all, I can’t be the sole person with jokes in the relationship. To some people that may not be a big deal, to me, it’s a deal breaker.

The thing about lists is that when does it get to the point where it’s almost too nit picky. And who’s to say that it’s nit picky if it’s your list? For example: what if your list looked like this:

Potential husband: must be 6 ft tall or taller. Brown hair. Olive skin. Dark eyes. Must play a musical instrument. Must have at least two years work experience. Should have money saved in the bank in case of emergencies. Hair should never be longer than mine. No history of family diseases. Must love dogs.

When does it stop looking like a job description and start looking like you’re looking for someone to do life with?

I’m not an expert, but I think our list should start looking like this:

Loves God
Funny
Family Man
Supportive
Goal Oriented
Servant Heart
Wants Children
Challenges Me
Traveler
Intelligent

Everyone’s list will look differently. My thought on all of this is that sometimes things don’t always happen like you would think they would. Maybe you end up falling for a guy who is 5’7 and you always dreamed you would marry a guy who was 6’4. Maybe you end up with hot blooded Latina when you swore you would only date the typical girl next door with blonde hair and freckles.

My point to all of this is that God is much bigger than the lists we create. But I will end this with saying that God also created you for nothing but His best. Don’t settle for someone that doesn’t meet your non-negotiable. Make your list, and check it twice, but don’t be so rigid that you could potentially push someone away that could be the perfect fit even though they don’t fit into the cookie cutter you’ve created.

Fan Friday

2011-06-24T01:04:00.000-07:00

Today’s Fan Friday is extra special. It goes out to none other than Nena Cornelis. Aside from being today’s pick, she is also graduating J. High! I specifically waited until today to post about her because I wanted graduation day to be extra special.

For those who may not know, I have known Nena since I was in my Kidzone days running the Jr. Leader program for Jr. High and High School students that wanted to volunteer in Children’s ministry. She quickly became one of my most dedicated leaders. I was also blessed with the honor of baptizing her just over a year ago.

Her servant heart has done nothing but continue to grow over the last year. So much so that she is now my assistant in the Remnant J. High ministry. Calling her a volunteer feels as though I am not giving her enough credit, hence the title that she has been given. I have never seen someone of her age with the ability to serve without caring who gives her credit. As much as I brag on her, I feel it’s not enough.

Nena,

I know you constantly say that I am a blessing in your life, but I don’t think you realize that you have been a tremendous blessing in mine. Not only do you serve with all of your heart to Remnant ministries and South Hills, but you have managed to take on a roll that even some adults cannot accomplish.

Your ability to know what I need, want, what I’m going to say and do is incredible. You being my right hand girl has empowered me to continue growing our ministry. What you do on a daily basis is a true gift to me. Thank you for treating me as well as you do. I sincerely mean it when I say I can’t do what I do without you.

You are so gifted, wise, talented, warm hearted, driven, funny, and intelligent, I could go on. I see so much potential in you that it blows my mind to think of where you will be in just a couple years from now. You being obedient to what God calls you to do is what sets you apart from every other girl your age. You have chosen to lead a life that builds His kingdom.

Today you graduate Jr. High. In a short four years I’ll be writing about your graduation from High School. Time will continue to fly by, don’t let it pass you by. Keep your head in the game and your eyes on the prize. Keep thinking about the BIG picture. Keep seeking after Him and He will continue to lead you where you need to go.

Your life story is already one that has impacted not only my life, but the lives of those around you. Can you imagine what your story will look like in ten years from now. When you write you book about everything you’ve been through and accomplished, don’t forget about me. I love you like no other, not just as a leader, but as my family.

Weekly Weigh In

2011-06-18T00:12:00.000-07:00

Weekly weigh in results: -1

This weeks results I am actually quite shocked I lost anything. Big deal it's 1 lb. but to me it's still a win. Between In N' Out, Red Robin, Miguel's, and only working out two times this week, I thought for sure I would gain weight.

This week it's time to get STRICT!

Fan Friday

2011-06-17T14:27:00.000-07:00

Today's Fan Friday: Ryan Dexter! AKA Ryan from "Ryan and the Dexters"

Ryan,

Where do I start? I knew from the first time I watched you lead a song that you would be someone special to our ministry. From the moment you strum the strings on your guitar you can feel the presence of God in the room. I can't help but smile watching you lead our students into a place of worship they have never been.

What I am always so fascinated by is the heart you have for worship. It's not always easy to find talented musicians who do it to please God, but instead do it to impress a crowd. I always love to see and hear that your heart and mind are in the right place. In the short time you have been with us you have brought us to a whole other level. You started taking out the "just" from it "just" being J. High and started going after it as if we were leading 1,000's.

Your ability to be a team player who is ready and willing to follow my lead sets you apart. To know that you are loyal to myself and our team means the world to me. Thank you for taking the vision and running with it. Every so often you get leaders that just "get it" and you are definitely one of those. I can't wait to see what God has for you. He's got some big dreams that are set out just waiting for you to go after them when the time is right. It's an honor to serve alongside you.

Love you, Dex!

"In an Instant"

2011-06-17T08:56:00.001-07:00

A few days ago in my previous blog titled "Pain Will Prepare You" I talked about how God can take you from your prison to your palace in an instant. Those words became real to me at 11:48 am Thursday morning. I received the following text from Pastor Chris Harrell "Can you get the 27th of July and/August 3rd off to speak to all the Jr. Highers at our A/G SUMMER CAMP!! In an INSTANT!!"

A few days ago I felt like quitting, a day ago I got asked to speak to 100's of students at a Youth Summer Camp. My mind can't process everything that has happened in the past 72 hours. I am beyond grateful for a pastor who believes in me, who continually pours into me and continues to guide me along the way. And who could forget his incredible wife, Brenda. She has been in my corner since day 1, no questions asked.

A year and a half ago I was running a leadership program for 5th and 6th graders in the Children's ministry. A year ago I started as director of J. High ministry. Months ago I started speaking weekly on Monday nights. In weeks I will be able to say that I am a "camp speaker". It amazes me how everything took growing steps to get here. You don't realize how pivotal the steps are until you get to a place like this. Funny thing about all of this, is that I'm sure God's looking at me saying "This is just the beginning".

This opportunity that I have been given is another launch pad into what He has for me. It's a open door that will elevate me to a whole other level of influence. As cliche as this may sound, I am honored that God would trust me with such great responsibility.

Pain Will Prepare You

2011-06-15T09:23:00.000-07:00

At Remnant we are in a series titled "Pain Required" where we are following the story of Joseph. You can listen to the podcast at www.remnantfamily.com In this series our main focus is that your pain is a gift. The idea that the pain you went through can save someone else the same pain, and be a gift to them as well. And in turn giving that gift away blesses you in the process.

Last nights message titled "Pain Will Prepare You" may have been one of the most impactful messages I have ever heard. I felt as if I was having a one on one conversation, except I wasn't speaking so much as listening. The Spirit of God was ministering to my heart more than I ever thought possible, even now, typing these words He continues to do so.

I sat in the front row of the auditorium with my head buried in my notes, not just because I was writing like a mad woman, but because I felt this overwhelming vulnerability. As a leader you tend to feel like you should be the one who has it all together, be the example to the students around you, be there for them. Last night was the complete opposite. I felt like a mess, I couldn't keep my tears in long enough to wipe away the tears that came before. Me? Cry during a message? In the front row? Where all of my students and leaders were? Yup.

Before I get onto anything else I ask you this question: Do you ever feel like quitting?

Everyday I wake up to get ready for work, I feel like quitting. Everyday I clock in, I feel like quitting. Everyday I clock out, I feel like quitting. I'm sure at this point you understand that I feel like quitting my job altogether. This is the feeling that I have had for the past two years of my six years working this job. I have a great job that pays me well and has incredible benefits, I am incredibly blessed and I recognize that. My issue is when you know that God has more for you than sitting behind a desk for 8 hours for 40 hours a week.

Here's where last nights message got me, in one line, "God can take you from your prison to your palace in an instant".

A few months ago during worship I heard God say loud and clear "If I wanted you out of there I would have done it already" that literally did not click in my head until I started this paragraph. Amazing to me how He can give you a word and then come back around to remind you that He's in control, not me. Me getting upset that I am still here is a slap in His face that I don't think He's running my life the way He should be. This season of pain is preparing me for the blessing that is to come. He will never break His character to bless someone who can't handle it.

My goal for the past two years has been to quit my day to day job and be a full time pastor where I can do something that I love and feel passionate about. If I serve the almighty God who can change my life by the snap of a finger then why am I still here? I have fooled myself into thinking that it is man to blame for the reason I am still sitting at this desk. At times I have let myself get attacked by the enemy telling me that I should just go somewhere else, this is never going to happen for you, they don't appreciate you, they'll never give you the credit for all you do. No one cares or sees all the hours you put in. Just quit.

This pain is preparing me for greatness. How I choose to respond in these moments is where my true character is being built. This so called prison that I am in should be the place where I ask God to strip me of my selfishness, ego, and my pride. I need to be willing to let Him use me so that He can take out my imperfections.

The beauty of all of this is that God is still developing the plan to get me out of here. On the outside He's orchestrating this incredible vision for my life. I'll never fully understand how much He loves me. I'll never fully understand why He does what He does. But I will rest in the fact that He is in control, and I will thank Him for the pain that I go through, because I know that I am not going through it alone.

So again I ask the question: do you ever feel like quitting? How many 1,000's of lives won't be impacted if you quit now?

If I quit now I know I'll be quitting when I'm just three feet from gold. My time is coming. I look forward to the day when I can look back and say "Wow God, that's why you did what you did". Trusting and believing in Him like never before.

Weekly Weigh In

2011-06-11T17:09:00.000-07:00

Weekly weigh in results: -2

Yowza! I am one happy girl! Down 2 lbs this week putting the total loss in the past four weeks at 10 lbs. And complete total loss from when I first started last year is -23 lbs. I guess that just goes to show you that a little hard work really does pay off.

I am still exercising about four times a week and continuing to make healthier food choices. Cooking dinner at home has been a huge help to not eating fatty fast food all the time. Taking the extra time to prepare lunch, snacks, and dinner has made a world of difference.

The best part about all of this is that even though I am making healthier food choices, I am not depriving myself of the foods I like. I still have a burger every now and then except I either don't eat the whole thing and or I don't finish the fries. Everything in moderation is key. Even too much of a good thing can be a bad thing.

As far as my gym membership goes, I am locked in to my contract until August 1st, which happens to be the day I leave for Summer Camp. So until then I'll be at the same place. I may even change my mind as to canceling all together.

Can't wait to see the results of this next month coming up!

Fan Friday

2011-06-10T08:19:00.000-07:00

This weeks Fan Friday: Tawny Ainis

If you don't know Tawny, then I can genuinely say that you are missing out. She is by far one of the sweetest, funniest, sincere, and down to earth girls you'll meet. I love her like a younger sister and couldn't imagine my life without her.

Tawny,

Over this past year I have had the privilege of watching you "grow up". It's not to say that you were immature before, but senior year was a big part of your life. Getting to be apart of the decision making process for your future was and continues to be a blessing. Over the past few months is when I have really seen you step up your game in the area of leadership. I've watched you love on young girls while coming along side them to show them the way. Without knowing it you are setting the bar for our female leaders to follow after.

There is an underrated brilliance about you. It's as if you are a well kept secret. Now is when the world is really starting to see your gifts and talents come alive. Your servant heart continues to impress me. Thank you for always being available to seeing a need and filling it. True leadership begins with us as leaders being the model and the reflection of Jesus as we serve those around us. Jesus came to serve by the washing of his disciples feet, not to come and reign as a king that wanted everything done for Him. Great job showing the humble heart behind the daily tasks.

I cannot be more excited about this next season of your life. LSSC will be an incredible opportunity for you to continue growing as a leader and also continue growing as a woman of God. Give God the green light to work in and through you and you will be amazed at what He can and will do. We say it a lot that "God has big things for you!" I say it a lot about you because I know it to be true. Go into this next season of your life expecting BIG things. I don't mean BIG in the material world, but BIG in the kingdom world. What you do makes an impact in His kingdom. Keep seeking after Him and His heart.

I love you Tawn Bawn ;)

Weekly Weigh In

2011-06-04T09:42:00.000-07:00

Weekly weigh in results: -2

Considering I worked out one time this week, I am beyond pleased with this weeks results! I am actually considering canceling my gym membership and or switching gyms. The one I go to has the most horrible hours to work around. Working out on my lunch break isn't the most ideal situation.

As Summer continues it becomes pretty disgusting exersising and then walking out into 100 degree heat. My thoughts recently have been, "why do I even need a gym membership?".

Realistically, I can do the same thing by running at the park or finding a buddy to play tennis with in the mornings. I'll keep you posted on that, I'm sure you're dying to know what I decide (insert sarcastic tone here).

Fan Friday

2011-06-03T09:01:00.000-07:00

(not all graduates pictured)

This weeks Fan Friday feature goes out to all of the High School graduates!

Last night concluded my week full of graduations, three to be exact. If I could have gone to all of them I most definitely would have. You would think you've seen one graduation you've seen them all. But each one was unique in it's own way. Each one had Remnant students that are dear to my heart.

Students,

You have all accomplished a huge milestone in your lives. For the past four years you have dedicated your time and talents to completing classes, participating in sports, performing in plays, or being behind the scenes making things happen. These past years of your life will soon turn from your day to day, to memories of a time when things seemed so much simpler.

Now it's onto the "real world" they say. This next step in your journey will be exciting, scary, joyous, stressful, and amazing all at the same time. My advice to all of you is to hit the ground running. The world is full of possibilities and is waiting for someone like you to come after it. Surround yourself with positive people who are going to fuel your fire and push you to be the best you can be. I'll never forget this quote I heard years ago "show me your friends and I'll show you your future". Get around people who are going to blaze the trail with you.

I can't tell you all enough how proud I am of each and every single one of you. You are all so unique and special to me. God has a special calling on your lives to be the generation that breaks the mold. This calling comes with responsibility, don't take it lightly. Continue to share with the world what He has done in your life. Submit to His will and He will take you further than you ever thought possible. The possibilities are endless.

Lastly, thank you for letting me be a voice in your lives. Watching you all grow has truly been an honor to see. And don't think that just because you're graduates that you're too grown to seek advice or wisdom. Know that I am always here if you ever need anything. Love you all to no end.

P.s. Never say never ;)

June

2011-06-01T13:44:00.000-07:00

It's June 1st and I am in shock. I know we often say that time flies when you're having fun. It also flies by when you're extremely busy. Being that we are six months away from 2012, it makes me stop and look at all of the goals I set out for myself this year. Am I where I wanted to be? Should I be working a little bit harder? Or should I be working a little bit less?

Becoming a licensed pastor is the big one for this year. I began the process in December when I sent in my request for my application. My application was accepted. I passed my background check. My forms have been completed and submitted. My next step is my first interview with my presbyter on June 27Th. I am the type of person that gets ridiculously nervous when it comes to interviewing. I feel I do a fairly good job at communicating and I am very much a people person, but I still get nervous. I think it's the pressure to say the right thing. I also think it's the fact that this person doesn't know anything about me except for what I tell them. I get one hour to basically show how amazing I am. I say that in the most humble way possible.

I have been given the green light to schedule and take my final exam. This one I am in no rush to get to. I received my study guide in the mail of all the things I need to have a basic understanding of, and needless to say I was speechless. It's not that it's difficult information, it's that I'm that type of person that can remember something perfectly one day, and then days or weeks later I could forget it. This is why I constantly take notes when it comes to just about anything that I need to remember.

I say all this to say that for the next six months I am going to be pushing myself harder than I have before. I need to make a conscious effort to take time out every week if not everyday to study for this exam. I don't take this process lightly, and I know AG doesn't either. Please be in prayer as I prepare myself for this next step in my journey. It's time consuming, stressful, and nerve wrecking, but I know it's going to be so rewarding to know that I worked hard for that license that will hang on my office wall.

Weekly Weigh In

2011-05-28T08:55:00.000-07:00

Weekly weigh in results: -2

Oh booyah! Pretty happy with this weeks results. I'm surprised I lost anything. It's hard to stay on track with birthdays, bbq's, and especially when you throw in a trip to Roscoes Chicken And Waffles.

Weekly Weigh In

2011-05-21T11:01:00.000-07:00

Weekly weigh in results: -4 lbs.

Not bad for a week, I don't expect that same amount this week coming up. Usually the first week back to eating right and working out are the kick start. The goal for this week will be 2 lbs, but I would be happy with 1. Slow and steady wins the race.

Let's Get Physical

2011-05-13T13:07:00.000-07:00

Starting Wednesday I brought my lazy butt back to the gym. When I checked in at the front counter I realized I hadn't been there since December 20th, 2010. Good Lord! Had it really been THAT long?! It didn't seem like that much time had gone by, but when I started working out I could feel it had been that long. Luckily I hadn't gained back all of the weight I had put off, but I could definitely see a difference in where I had toned up some. So why do I share this on here? Well, accountability for one, for two it helps me see my progress along the way.

My motivation for going back in the day was to be healthy (of course) and also because I had my India trip coming up so I wanted to be as fit as possible. When India got postponed I somewhat lost any motivation to keep going. With the combination of holidays thrown in, I didn't stand a chance. My motivation this time? Summer camp in August! That and the original reason of wanting to be as healthy as I can be. I know I'll never be a size 5, and I honestly don't want that. I want to be comfortable in my own skin, even if that means being a double digit size.

Feel free to hold me accountable on whether or not I've been to the gym. Shooting for at the very minimal 4 days a week. So far this week: 3. I just started going back, don't hassle me until next week ;)

Sick Day

2011-05-03T14:45:00.000-07:00

For the past week I have not been feeling well. I blamed it on the allergies, which is correct, except the allergies turned into a deathly cold that I couldn't get rid of. I gave in and made a visit to my favorite Dr. I was told that I have the following;Allergic Rhinitis. Asthma (I already knew this). Nasopharyngitis. and Conjunctivas. I was given a shot, an inhaler, nose spray, and eye drops. And an off work order till Thursday.

The best part about being sick, yes there is a best part, is that I get loved on by the amazing people around me. Brenda Harrell and the LSSC interns surprised me with my favorite flowers (Stargazer Lilly's) a card, and another favorite of mine, balloons. I am so blessed it's almost ridiculous, almost.

P.S. Don't be alarmed by the mask, its for your protection <3

"Bumble Bee"

2011-04-22T13:07:00.000-07:00

Sometimes I feel like my car is "Bumble Bee" from Transformers, and God speaks to me through music and lyrics. My car is not nearly as beautiful as that Camaro, but the idea behind Bumble Bee communicating through songs on the radio really made me think about how God communicates with me.

Everyone is different, therefor everyone hears God's voice differently. I was on my lunch break driving around Corona and "The Scientist" from Coldplay came on. Anyone who knows me well enough knows that Coldplay is my all time favorite band. The song goes;

Come up to meet you, tell you I'm sorry
You don't know how lovely you are

I had to find you
Tell you I need you
Tell you I set you apart

Tell me your secrets
And ask me your questions
Oh, lets go back to the start

Running in circles
Coming up tails
Heads on a science apart.

Nobody said it was easy
It's such a shame for us to part
Nobody said it was easy
No one ever said it would be this hard

Oh, take me back to the start.

I was just guessing
At numbers and figures
Pulling the puzzles apart

Questions of science
Science and progress
Do not speak as loud as my heart

Tell me you love me
Come back and haunt me
Oh, and I rush to the start

Running in circles
Chasing our tails
Coming back as we are

Nobody said it was easy
Oh it's such a shame for us to part
Nobody said it was easy
No one ever said it would be so hard

I'm going back to the start

Now this might be a stretch, but I really felt like the beginning part of this was what I would sing to God and what His response would then be. "Tell me your secrets, ask me your questions, nobody said it was easy, I had to find you to tell you I need you to tell you I set you apart..."

How do you best hear God's voice?

It Goes On...

2011-04-07T15:10:00.001-07:00

In the past 8 hours I have experienced a funeral, the birth of a friends baby, and the bittersweet good bye of a friend retiring from my office. The funeral was for a 13 year old boy who decided to end his life before God could make that decision for him. I sat there and stared at his photo that was being projected onto the screen and all I could think was "he could have been at J. High on a Monday night, he could have been one of mine". I won't go down the road of blaming myself for not being able to reach him, but I will take it upon myself to never give up on any student for as long as I have the ability to keep reaching.

The flesh part of me wants to ask God "why did you let this happen?!" or "why did WE let this happen?!". We constantly ask God to intervene on the lives that have been placed before us. Do you think God is maybe asking for us to intervene? We ask Him to do something, He asks us to do something. The prayer that we send up is the same His spirit sends back. The Spirit is always guiding us to make a move, always pushing, however gentle the push, still pushing none the less to step out and reach the people of God. So when we ask God why He didn't step in and do something, I'd like to ask myself the same question. When you ask God to send help for someone, did you stop and think that maybe YOU are that help that person needs? Sometimes we need to stop asking for God to move, and realize that we are the ones who can move Him.

Our ministry exists to love on Gods people. To be the example of what a true Christ follower looks like. To reach as many souls before the enemy gets there first. I don't want to get to the end of my life and feel like I could have done more. My prayer is that I would continue to listen when He is speaking. That I would continue to move when he says go. That I would continue to lead by example. And that I would love God with all my heart, soul, and mind.

Shortly after the funeral I received news that our executive pastors finally got to meet their new baby girl. And shortly after that a retirement party for a dear friend of mine that I have worked with for over five years. Life truly does go on. Time doesn't stop because we are going through something. Don't let life pass you by without soaking it in.

My pastor, Chris Harrell, said something that I believe will stick with me forever. He said "a dead nose smells no rose". Don't wait until a funeral to send someone flowers, send them when they can still smell them. Don't wait until a funeral to tell someone how much they mean to you. Make that phone call. Spend that quality time. Make the effort to love on the people you care about. It's amazing to me how a day like today can put things in perspective. Don't wait until it's too late. Above all else, make sure that the most important relationship of all, the relationship with God is where it needs to be.

India Benefit Concert

2011-03-29T14:35:00.000-07:00

CAUSE:
Remnant is hosting a summer camp in Hyderabad, India and its surrounding communities to promote discipleship, leadership development, and physical wellness. We need your support.

FEATURING:
Tyrone & Elina Wells
Local music artists
Spoken word
Local artist display

THE DEETS:
Tickets $10 (*find us & get yours pre-sale to avoid the line at the door)
Raffles
Food
Childcare provided

Spread the word!!

*Only 800 tickets will be sold! Tickets will be sold on a first come, first served basis.

Five Years Ago...

2011-03-25T00:23:00.001-07:00

Five years ago today my life changed forever. Today is the five year anniversary of my dad passing, my life would never be the same. Every year that passes I seem to write about where I am, how I'm feeling, and how this tragedy still effects my life.

For those of you who know me well, you know that my relationship with my dad was not the healthiest. In fact, it was unhealthy and did not depict the Godly relationship between a father and his daughter. I didn't get to see what a Godly man looked like, I didn't get the father who would constantly remind of what I gift I am. Though I lost my earthly father, I gained my Godly Father.

With my dad passing came a ripple of things to come. We lost the house I grew up in. My mom and I moved in with my sister. We lost our cars. We lost whatever money we had. We lost family. We lost friends. But we didn't give up on hope that this was bigger than us, and that things would eventually get better.

It wasn't until a friend invited me to church, she said it would probably help me feel better. I went to a Sunday service and I never looked back. From that moment I was making the necessary changes to becoming who God wanted me to become. It became more about what He wanted for me, not what I wanted to get for myself. The journey still continues, I haven't "arrived". That's the beauty of God, when you think you've gotten to "that place" He reminds you that He has so much more to offer us.

My purpose to writing a blog each year on this day is to remind me of what my life was like before I was living for Jesus. To remind me of how He makes all things work together for my good. To remind me that only He was able to pull me out of the rubble. To remind me that even in the darkest of times He shines His light on me. To remind me that even when times become difficult that He will be right there next to me.

My prayer is that through my life God's power and beauty would be reflected. My hope is that anyone in a dark time can see that even in the worst of tragedies there is triumph lying beneath.

Approved!

2011-02-19T22:59:00.000-08:00

As most of you know I was planning on going to India in December of 2010, due to unfortunate circumstances it was postponed. I am happy to announce that we have officially received the dates of this years trip. We will be leaving May 15th and returning May 29th. I was just officially told that my time off request at work has been APPROVED! Most of you may not see what the big deal is, but getting time off from my job is almost next to impossible when you have a staff as large as ours.

This has been such an emotional battle for me. So much of me just wanted to throw in the towel thinking that maybe this trip wasn't for me. Thinking that "what's the big deal if I don't go?". I can honestly say that I am so incredible blessed that I have been given this opportunity. I know God has a BIG plan for Remnant to do work out there. He's opening doors that we never thought were even possible. Knowing that He is completely behind us is a pretty amazing feeling.

We have been told that we will be working a youth summer camp for a week or so. This summer camp is designated for those who are in school. In India not everyone gets an education because not everyone can afford it. In the same way, not everyone can afford camps. What we have been recruited to do is put on a camp a week after the first camp for those in villages who may never get the chance to get an education, let alone attend a camp that grows them. I can't wrap my mind around what a BIG deal this is. I stand in awe of the God who has commissioned us to change the world.

SHAMELESS PLUG: Being that May is just around the corner we are going to PUMP fundraisers like never before! If you feel moved to give, please do so. Know that your money is going to aid us in bringing life to those who live in a hopeless world. Looking forward to partnering with you.

Fan Friday

2011-02-04T15:42:00.000-08:00

My beautiful best friend and her husband are embarking on a new adventure in the creative business world. They have started their own film company called "Lunch Pail Pictures". They can be found at www.lunchpailpictures.com

They create everything from weddings to music videos. If it has a story, they can do it. I've seen plenty of people make videos, but what Candice and Geoff make is art. They capture life in such a beautiful way. The videos speak for themselves. Take a looksie at the masterpieces that have been created.

I am BEYOND excited about the bright future that these two have ahead of them!

<3 you guys!

Debt Free!

2011-02-02T15:17:00.000-08:00

It's only February and I have already completed one of my personal goals of being DEBT FREE! Since I was 16 I have had credit cards, yes you read that correctly. Back when I was 16 my mom wanted to start building up my credit so I would have a good score. Well when I turned 18 my score was so good that I was given credit cards left and right. At 18 years old I would charge it, then mommy and daddy would pay it. At this point I had no job, credit cards, and a car payment, ALL paid for by my parents.

My parents owned their successful business of chroming rims. You know, rollin' on 22's. When the economy started to take a turn for the worst, so did my parents business. This is when reality hit. I was faced with all of this debt to pay on my own with ZERO income. I quickly got a job and started to work my way out of the black hole called "debt". If you can believe it, at one point in my life I was about 50,000 dollars in debt. I used to have a brand new Toyota 4Runner that was costing me a whopping 556.00 a month. My paychecks were barely enough to cover my payment, hence my credit cards were being put to the side.

At 22 I made the decision to sell off my car and get a hoopty, aka my 95 Honda Civic that is still ticking! I bought my Civic for $800.00 dollars. She may not be the prettiest to look at, but she gets me from A to B. That relieved some of the debt, but it didn't get rid of the rest of the credit card mess.

I decided to go into debt consolidation. I paid a company to negotiate with my debt collectors to come to an agreement of monthly payment. Slowly but surely each card kept getting paid off. It is 2011, I am 26 years old and now I can finally say... I AM DEBT FREE!

There is not one credit card company , car company, or any company that I owe money to. Free as a bird! It's taken a long time, but I am so glad that I stuck to getting those cards paid off. Debt has an ugly way of holding a dark cloud over your head. I REFUSE to let myself get into debt like that again.

If you learn anything from this, never spend more than what you make, if you do use your credit card (which oddly to build up credit you need to) make sure that you can pay off what you spend in one paycheck. I'm not an expert on credit cards, but I do know that we weren't intended to live a life bound to creditors.

2011, Let's Do This!

2010-12-31T00:04:00.000-08:00

Happy New Year!

As much as I love beginning new things and coming into a new year, I am not a huge fan of New Years Eve. Shocker, I don't like something. I think its the pressure of doing something amazing to close out the year. Or the idea that however you end a year will determine how you go into the next one. I find myself over analyzing (again, shocker) what I should be doing for New Years Eve. Honestly, anything I do so long as its with the people I love and care about would be just fine.

With the new year comes the "New Years Resolutions" not a big fan of these either. I would prefer to call them "Goals for 2011". It feels like anytime you add the word "resolution" that it's doomed for failure. I don't want my goals for 2011 to crumble as soon as February rolls around. So taking a look at 2010 and figuring out what I want to be different about 2011, here is what I came up with, in no particular order;

Quality time with God
Read More
Relax More
Learn More
Become a licensed pastor (nbd)
Take a REAL vacation
Go on a missions trip
Quit my 9-5 job
Visit Chris and Es in Iowa
Spend more time with my family
Orange Conference

I'm not sure that I'll get to do all of these, but if I had it my way this would be done by December 2011. I'm hoping to do at least 7 out of 9. It's possible. I'm sure I'm missing some things, but these are the bigger goals.

Break The Cycle

2010-12-27T13:18:00.001-08:00

This weekend Pastor Billy spoke about generations and how we have the ability to break the cycle and not end up like our past influences. It was funny to me because he mentioned how being with his family for Christmas he thought to himself "I am so different from them" but in reality, we are so much alike that we clash.

I realize more and more that I am my father. The good and the bad. Last night was another reminder that as much I have changed, and as much as I don't want to be like his bad qualities, they still fester in my blood. Hot blood to be exact. I have what some may call a short impatient fuse. Believe me when I say that this fuse has lengthened over the past years but it's still not where I want it. If I could have it my way I would have all the patience in the world and nothing would bother me.

Last night myself and a few friends had dinner at Miguels Jr. Already irritated with the long line I ordered my food and sat down. My number was called and to my surprise the order was incorrect. Not a huge deal really, I let the worker know that it was not what I had ordered. Here's how it went down:

B=Me W=Worker

B: I had ordered a bean rice and cheese with extra rice

W: This is a bean and cheese, what you ordered.

B: No, I ordered a bean rice and cheese extra rice.

He then gives the burrito back to the cook and says in Spanish "Hey, she wants a bean rice and cheese with extra cheese" To which I say "No, a bean rice and cheese with extra rice"

W: What you don't like cheese? (with attitude)

B: Just give me the burrito the way it is, it's fine. (said with attitude)

Honestly, reading this back I sound ridiculous. But sadly, this is my day to day. Crazy part is that I seem to let my emotion show more when I am around people that are closest to me. Maybe it's because I know they won't disappear when they witness the real me. Maybe it's because I trust they won't judge me for my imperfections. NEWSFLASH: Brenda Medina is human and not perfect. Maybe it was the fact that I was tired and it had been a long day. But regardless, I never want my excuse for my actions to be "I had a really long day". I've watched too many people treat others like junk because they had a bad day.

The thing about my fuse is that I HATE myself for letting small things like this rob me of my joy. The worst part about all of it is that it just reminds me of my dad and the countless emotional explosions I witnessed growing up. I am determined to break the cycle and CHOOSE my emotions rather then let my emotions dictate my reactions.

Merry Christmas!

2010-12-25T00:30:00.001-08:00

Tonight marked the beginning of a new tradition in the Medina family. It all started with my mom coming to church with me for Christmas Eve service. My mom hasn't been to church in I'd say close to two years. As I sat next to her I could hear her singing along to the songs, watched her give during offering, and watched her pray. I was a wreck! I literally felt like an emotional fool who couldn't keep her tears in. I was incredibly thankful to God for letting me experience that moment with her.

There have been a lot of changes this year with family and how we spend our holidays. So this year I suggested dinner and movies at my apartment. It was nice to be able to cook for them and host in my own home. They both seemed to really enjoy just being able to relax and enjoy each others company. It was a nice change of pace.

On that note, don't forget the reason for the season, YOU. Jesus came for YOU. Merry Christmas!

Your Love Is Strong

2010-12-22T10:34:00.000-08:00

Music, gets me. It's a huge part of who I am. I can listen to it all day everyday. I think it's one of the most beautiful things that God created. This song has been stuck with me the past few days. Almost every time I hear it I want to cry. A reminder that His love is strong, and that He knows what I NEED.

"Your Love Is Strong"-Jon Foreman

Heavenly Father
You always amaze me
Let Your kingdom come in my world
And in my life

Give me the food I need
To live through today
Forgive me as I forgive
The people that wrong me

Lead me far from temptation
Deliver me from the evil one

I look out the window
The birds are composing
Not a note is out of tune
Or out of place

I walk to the meadow
And stare at the flowers
Better dressed than any girl
On her wedding day

So why should I worry?
Why do I freak out?
God knows what I need
You know what I need!

Your love is
Your love is
Your love is strong

The kingdom of the heavens
Is now advancing
Invade my heart
Invade this broken town

The kingdom of the heavens
Is buried treasure
Would you sell yourself
To buy the one you've found

Two things you told me
That you are strong
And you love me
Yes, you love me

Your love is
Your love is
Your love is strong
Your love is
Your love is
Your love is strong

Our God in Heaven
Hallowed be Thy name
Above all names
Your kingdom come
Your will be done
On earth as it is in Heaven
Give us, today, our daily bread
Forgive us weary sinners
Keep us far from our vices
And deliver us from these prisons

Baby Steps

2010-12-18T23:59:00.000-08:00

On Thursday I took a baby step towards one of my 2011 goals. I sent in my request to the Assemblies of God office with a $25 dollar check to receive my information packet and application for credentials. It's been a little over two years since I completed my time with Catalyst School Of Ministry. When I originally started Catalyst I had no idea that I would be where I am today, I didn't even have the thought in my mind. I literally used to say "I don't want to be the kind of pastor that preaches every week", ironic that now that's what I do, and I love it.

For a long time I struggled with whether or not I even wanted to be a licensed pastor. Doesn't make sense right? Go to ministry school for two years and not want to do anything with it? It's been a long road, a lot of self discovery, a lot of focusing on what God wants for me, a lot of pruning, and a lot of obstacles. Thankfully that long road led me to where I am right now. It feels good to feel confident in what God wants me to do. The road doesn't end here, if anything it feels like I just turned on a different street, I'll be on it until God tells me otherwise.

The process to apply seems to be one of many hoops to jump through. It starts with submitting for an application packet, filling out application along with the long list of requirements, new credentials orientation, exam, interview, and I'm sure there's more. They hold two orientations a year, the first is March 24th, 2011 and the other is September 22nd 2011. I am hoping that I'll be able to finish with my paperwork so I can attend the March orientation.

I know that a lot of people will say that you don't need a certificate to say you're a pastor, but for me this is more than that. It's like going to college for 4 years and not wanting to finish your final exam to graduate. When I get called "Pastor Brenda" I want to know that I earned the right to be called that, even though I know I don't need a piece of paper to prove it.

Dinner With The People

2010-12-14T12:51:00.001-08:00

Every Monday night after J. High myself, and some of my amazing leaders go out for what we like to call "Dinner With The People". It has literally become the night that I look forward to the most out of the week. Monday nights are already a night I love because I get to spend time with our J. High students by mentoring and loving on them. Dinner with the people has turned into this family that gets to be in community with each other while sitting around a table eating.

Last night I told them that it's the night I look forward to the most because I love that I get to do life with them. It may just seem like sitting around a table eating, but to me it's spending quality time with people that I love. It's important to me that my leaders understand that they are important to me as leaders, but first as people. It's not all about what they're doing for the ministry, but it really is about what I can do for them. Being able to set aside a couple hours a week to spend quality time with them is a blessing.

Spencer had made a comment to me about how his group of friends are changing and things aren't the same as they used to be. It really brought me back to, if things aren't changing and groups aren't evolving then you're doing something wrong. If things aren't changing then that means that you're staying the same. No one is meeting new people, no one is venturing out doing new things, no one is moving on up in life. Realize that change isn't always a bad thing, sometimes it's just change. Which brought me back to dinner with the people, I know that Monday nights won't be the same forever, so I'm enjoying it while I have it.

Oh Christmas Tree, Oh Christmas Tree...

2010-12-10T17:48:00.000-08:00

Well, here she is in all her glory. This is the first ever Christmas tree that I ever purchased, and also decorated on my own. May not seem like a huge deal to you, but to me it was the beginning of a new tradition. Another sign that I really am somewhat of a grown up. Last year while I was visiting Chris and Es in Iowa I had the pleasure of going to a real tree farm where you pick your tree and cut it down yourself! Such a fun and crazy experience. Here in sunny Corona, CA. the experience wasn't as great. The trees here aren't as pretty and they are really expensive.

To save myself some money (or so I thought) I decided to string popcorn and cranberries on fishing wire. I learned it from the Kretzu's. I must say that this task is quite time consuming, and not as much fun when you don't have people to help you do it. I'm not sure how many times I pricked my finger, yelled a bit, and downright gave up. BUT I pushed through, and here she is. Also, a tip for those watching their pennies, I got all of my ornaments at the 99cent store. They have some really great buys! Don't mock it till you try it.

Emotional Rollercoasters

2010-12-01T09:26:00.001-08:00

I'm going to India! No wait, no I'm not. I'm going to Haiti! No wait, not going there either. Just a tiny glimpse from my past few weeks, the makings of my emotional rollercoaster. As of Monday morning the trip to Haiti has been postponed due to the rioting going on because of the elections. It was decided that it was not safe for us to be out there at this time. To date, this is the third trip that I was completely set to go on, money paid, flight booked, time off work etc. and was postponed just weeks if not days before departure. I don't know why they all fell through, but I do know that I can't frustrate myself trying to figure it out.

The past couple weeks have been me trying to make sense of all of it. Its been "i KNOW God wants me to do this..." or "it's working out so perfectly it MUST be God's hand on it" to "I don't know what the heck is going on". I think the common thing I've come to is that it's not my job to understand, it's my job to obey. There's a chance that all of this was just a test, maybe God wanted to see how faithful and obedient I would be. Maybe it has nothing to do with any of that and maybe it's just a bad time right now.

What really keeps hitting me is that regardless of the ups and downs of my emotions through all of this is, its that the people that we were set out to help are still suffering. My emotional meltdown doesn't help the fact that people still need homes, still need someone to reach out to them, still need to know God loves them. I know that I have a God that I find my identity in, I know that when I feel the way I do right now, that He'll give me continuous joy. Not just happiness, but joy, happiness comes and goes, joy is a choice. I wish I could say that for everyone.

The enemy knows how to work anything and everything against me. Because immediately I started blaming myself for all of this, and making it all about me. To be completely honest, I wanted to leave the country and get away from the everyday routine of my life so that I could have God rock me so hard that I wouldn't be the same. Reality is, God can do that from anywhere that I am. I pray that He still does.

To add to the emotional madness, I gave up Fargo last night to a wonderful family who I know is going to love him unconditionally. The car ride there felt like an eternity. I felt like the entire time he knew exactly what was happening. All throughout the day I had been telling myself that I would be fine, that it's not a big deal, that I wouldn't get upset. Well, insert emotional breakdown #2 for this week. I'll admit it, I cried, and even now just thinking about it I get teary eyed. The family loved him, and I'm sure he will be more than fine with them.

I guess I just wasn't expecting to get worked up about it. The dog has been with me for 13 years, maybe it was the fact that my dad got him for me, or that he was his favorite. I'm really not sure. But I am so thankful that God was able to find him a home with great people who want to love him all day long.

It's only Wednesday, what else could this week bring? Hopefully not meltdown #3.

Happy Thanksgiving!

2010-11-25T15:21:00.001-08:00

Meet Fargo. He has been in our family for 13 years. Fargo was given to me by my dad on my 13th birthday. When I moved out of my house I couldn't take him with me to the apartment I was living in so my sister kept him. Well, my sister just moved out and so I needed to resume motherly duties. He has already gotten a bath, new blankets, clean kennel, and a tummy full of food, and treats! He's napping now, must be the Thanksgiving food coma, just kidding.

I am so thankful for so many things. Thankful for my friends, my family, my church family, the roof over my head, the food in my stomach, the clean water I get to drink and bathe with, the promises of God, I could go on. I hope that EVERYDAY you give thanks for all the blessings that God has given us. Thanksgiving shouldn't be the only day we are reminded of how good we have it.

P.s. YOUTH CONVENTION tomorrow! I can.not.wait. to spend three days straight with the best students and leaders in the world!

Send Brenda To Haiti!

2010-11-20T00:32:00.000-08:00

When: December 2nd (Thursday)
Where: The Baxter Domain
Time: 6-10pm

Tired of fundraisers yet? Ya, me too. I promise this one will be different. This is an excuse for our friends and family to come together, eat, hang out, have fun. And helping me out in the process!

We'll have spaghetti dinner and tasty treats for a small donation of $10 dollars! I leave two days after so I'd love to see YOU. Your money isn't just going to fill your appetite, it's going to change lives and make a difference.

Wild Goose Chase

2010-11-19T09:56:00.001-08:00

Today I woke up in awe and disbelief. This week has been rocking my world in so many ways. I'll start with an update on India. As of November 14th the Remnant India trip has been postponed to March, April and possibly even November of 2011. We were having issues with the embassy issuing visas and also the cost of the plane tickets had gone up radically. Our missionary didn't feel it was the right time to go. I fully back up and respect the decision that was made. I believe that if God wants us there He will send us on HIS time not ours.

With all of that said, here comes the wild goose chase. A few months ago, I had a dream that Chris and Es Kretzu and myself were on a trip together. I ended up texting Chris the next day and telling him about it, his text back was "well I'm leading a trip to Haiti in December" consider my mind blown! So then I thought "how cool! We'll be out of the country doing trips at the same time!" but it still stuck with me, why was I in the dream? and why would God show that to me? Anyhoo, fast forward a couple months to my trip being postponed and me texting Es the next day asking if they have room for one more person. Turns out that someone can't make it, bummer for that person, but worked out well for me.

Long story short. I'm going to Haiti December 5th for 6 days with two of my favorite people on the planet! My Wild Goose is in reference to the Spirit, when it leads it leads and it's leading to Haiti for millions of reasons I'm sure. I'm fully believing and trusting God that this is where He wants me. I'm trying to do my best to prepare myself for the need and devastation I am sure to witness. And with that, this trip is more money than India, so I will be having a fundraiser on December 2nd at the Baxter domain. If you feel lead to donate, please do so, your money is literally going to build up the country that was completely destroyed just close to a year ago, and almost one year later looks almost exactly the same. Let's change the world together!!!

Two Weeks Later

2010-11-15T14:37:00.000-08:00

Two weeks later and I have my results of my heart monitor test. Turns out that the entire time I wore the stupid thing my heart was acting completely fine, therefor there was nothing to show on the test. At this point they are saying that if I am not having chest pains and if I am not experiencing dizziness or shortness of breath that I should be fine. So it seems as though all of this is one of two things: caffeine related, or stress related. I'm thinking that it's a combination of both. If only I could cut out stress from my diet.

Thank you to everyone who has checked up on me, and prayed for me to get better. I appreciate you all so much <3

The Next 24hrs

2010-11-01T12:27:00.001-07:00

For the next 24hrs I will be hooked up to this Halter Monitor. I have five cords, three to the chest and two to the stomach. They are all taped down and I have the monitor in my pocket, not exactly the most comfortable thing. It will monitor my heart beats to see if it's "normal" or not. For the past few months I've been struggling with heart palpitations, the cause is unclear but the consensus seems to be stress. Hopefully this test will pin point exactly where the problem is.

One Year Anniversary

2010-11-01T00:04:00.000-07:00

November 1st marks one whole year that I have been living by myself in my little studio apartment. A WHOLE YEAR?! Where did the time go?! It has by far been one of the best decisions I've ever made. I still miss late night conversations in the hallway with the ladies, but I'm thankful that I still get to talk to them on a regular basis.

It's been a really great year, I learned to fully depend on myself for everything. Setting up accounts with At&T (I hate their service) setting up Edison, and all the other household things you need. If the bill doesn't get paid I'm the only one to blame, I can't say that one of the girls forgot. Thankfully I haven't had any issues in this area.

I learned a lot about myself in the process, I learned that living alone has really made me ok with me just being with me. I embrace that I am an independent woman who can take care of herself. God has blessed me tremendously, I always want to make sure that I thank Him for it. I learned that I am incredibly particular about everything. I have a hard time with letting things get messy, which I guess is a good thing that I'm not messy. But at the same time I should leave a little room for life to take place.

I love that I can have people over whenever want. I love that I can invite students over and have family dinner nights. I love that it's a place that I can call my own. One of the only things that I've had an issue with is walking to my door late at night. It's my own paranoia that gets the best of me. My sister got me a mini airhorn and my mom got me some pepper spray. I asked for a tazer gun but my sister said I would probably taz myself so she didn't want to get it for me. I suppose I can solve these issues by coming home at a decent hour. But what's the fun in that?

I just had a conversation with a friend tonight who just moved out on his own, he said "it gets lonely at times" I totally understand that. I encouraged him and told him that it's usually just at the beginning, because once you realize how great it is to just be able to come home and know 100% that you can have alone time when you want it is such a huge blessing. I love that I can come home and nap without interruption, or come home and watch tv and know that no one else will be watching something. I know that I can come home and know that the leftover dinner will still be in the fridge. I know that the temperature in my shower never needs to be adjusted because it's perfectly set for me. It's the little things that really get me.

I'm excited to see what this next year brings...

I need new jeans...

2010-10-26T10:23:00.000-07:00

From my previous blog titled "Real Women Have Curves" I talked about getting back into the healthy lifestyle. Eating better and exersising has definitely been paying off. So far to date I have lost 20lbs! Which is why I need new jeans. It's almost bittersweet, I don't want new clothes, but when you're constantly pulling up your pants up because they're falling off, it's time for new clothes. It's been a slow process but I would much rather lose it slowly than lose it quickly and gain it all back and then some. As the saying goes, I didn't gain all my weight overnight, so I shouldn't expect to lose it overnight either.

The photo above is me kicking it up to the next level. Protein shakes :( gahh. This is not going to be easy for me. I am not a shake person, nor a chocolate lover. I had my first one this morning, it didn't taste bad, but I know it will be a struggle for me to drink these on the regular. I'll keep you updated on the progess. I still have about 12 more lbs to go for me to reach my December goal. Six weeks and counting...

Fan Friday

2010-10-22T08:41:00.000-07:00

Today's Fan Friday pick is Brent Allan! I'm excited about this one because I've been wanting to post it since Monday. Brent you are by far one of the most stand up guys I've ever met. I appreciate how encouraging you are to your team, a day never goes by that I don't see you lifting someone up. You have always been a tremendous help to me, and also to Remnant as a whole. Your whit and humor are always appreciated, I know I can always count on you to make me laugh.

Thank you for always being open and honest with me, I value your opinion and sincerity. I tell you all the time "we couldn't do this without you" reality is, we really can't. You have shown so much strength in your leadership over the past few years, I can only imagine how much more you will learn and grow as the next few years come to pass. You truly are gifted in what you do, keep striving to be better, never settle for mediocrity. It is an honor and pleasure to have you as a team member.

Signed,

"HD"

Worship Night

2010-10-20T09:23:00.000-07:00

Last night Remnant had an all worship night. We always want the students to understand that worship is not just about the music, worship can come in all different forms. From the picture you draw, to the poem you write, to the way you live your daily life. We had different stations up through the room, "what's your story?", "Chase the one", and "prayer petitions". I always love to sit back and people watch. Every one is so unique in the way they worship God. Some people sit, some stand, some raise both hands, some raise one. Some people jump around, some sit quietly in the back. Neither way of worship is better than the other. I think we a lot of times compare ourselves to others when it comes to this, we are all so unique that it would almost be boring if we all worshipped in the same way.

I found a corner, I sat in it, and I just let the words of the songs sink in. I had this flashback to the first time I came to South Hills, it was the first night I attended Furnace college night. I remember feeling what I felt back then. The confusion, the hurt, the hopelessness. It was back before I gave my life back to God, and before I fully understood what worship meant. What I got from that flashback, and what God reminded me of, is how far He's brought me. He also let me in on the fact that this isn't it, that there is so much more way to go, and that He would be right there with me. I sat there and just cried, not tears of sadness, but tears of joy. I've had a lot of those lately, mostly because God is doing big things and I am so fortunate that He lets me be apart of it. That He's using me to reach out to others.

One of my students whom I've blogged about before, Alex aka baby bear, saw me crying and stopped and asked if she could pray for me. I told her that to believe it or not but that my tears were actually happy tears. She prayed one of the sweetest prayers I think I have ever heard. She thanked God for me in her life, thanked Him for the gifts He's placed in my heart. Oh man, if I was crying before, I was balling at this point. These students are why I do what I do. I know a lot of people don't understand the passion I feel for our students, and that's ok. I know God does, because He placed that desire there. I am just so unbelievably grateful, and humbled at the opportunities I get to be that light that shines bright from Him.

Pet Peeves

2010-10-19T15:28:00.000-07:00

Disclaimer: I am not perfect. Clearly. I understand that these are my issues, not yours. I also understand that I'm sure I do things that annoy you as well. Feel free to share with me if it should make you feel better.

What exactly is a pet peeve? Well, I looked it up. "A pet peeve (or pet hate) is a minor annoyance that an individual identifies as particularly annoying to him or her, to a greater degree than others may find it." Thank you Wikipedia.

I realize more and more that I get irritated by the simplest of things. Here are the top five:

-Repeating myself
-Empty toilet paper roll w/new roll sitting on top
(how hard is it to change the roll?)
-Hearing people chew gum (especially if they pop it)
-Hearing people chew food
-People being late (without communication)

These are BY FAR my top ones that I get super irritated with. They all have one thing in common: me. They are all things that annoy ME and no one else. So does that mean it's my issue and I need to deal with it? Probably. I understand it's not your fault that I get irritated when you're not listening and I have to repeat myself over and over. I understand that you like to pop and smack your gum because you don't know any better. I understand that no one taught you how to chew with your mouth closed. Haha, man, I sound horrible.

The one I'll never understand is the last one: people being late. If you're going to be late, a quick text, a phone call, a "hey I'm running five minutes late I'm sorry" would be just fine. I can't tell you how many times I've sat around waiting for someone to show up on time and I'm sitting there waiting counting the minutes. It's inconsiderate and it implies that my time isn't valuable. Yes, I've been late to things, but yes I also communicate if I am going to be late. I suppose it all falls under the umbrella of "not everyone feels the same way I do". I understand there is grace, but I'm running empty on this area.

High School's Rough

2010-10-16T10:39:00.001-07:00

Last night was Santiago High School’s Homecoming football game. I went to support some of our Remnant students who played in the game, danced at the half time show, or produced the event.

I sat in front of two of Santiago’s finest students who couldn’t have been more than freshmen or sophomores. I say this with so much sarcasm that I wish you could actually hear me. It is by the grace of God that I didn’t get into a fight last night. The entire game these boys were spouting off curse words, talking about girls and how “slutty” or “skanky” they are. Talking about who slept with whom, or how “hot” the dance teams routine is. They continued with this for at least a good hour, I don’t do well when it comes to girls being spoken about like their pieces of meat. Curse words I can handle, talking about a girl in any other way than positive and I’m done.

I turned around and told them that they have Jr. High girls sitting in front of them and that their conversations were inappropriate. They of course did not care. Funny thing is that I was that kid in high school. I was the kid who didn’t care what anyone said to me, adult, teacher, parent, you name it, I was talking back. I understand kids will be kids, but there comes a point when enough is enough.

I wish I could say that that was all I saw that night. I watched a kid yell at a red head that he didn’t know “hey Ginger! What’s up!” clearly the boy didn’t know who they were because he just looked up with a horrible look on his face and kept walking. Or watching a “jock” slap popcorn out of a kids hands as he walked back to his seat. I might sound like I’m overdramatizing this but I honestly felt like I was in a teen movie.

Just yesterday I was reading the cover of a magazine where the top story was “Teen Suicide” it’s not a joke. I know we talk about it all the time but the rate is getting higher all the time. These kids are silently begging for someone to take notice, begging for someone to care, all the while they are acting like they’re fine and don’t need anyone or anything. It’s why we preach till we’re blue in the face about loving on people. I don’t preach it to guilt you, I preach it because if we don’t do it, who will?

High School can be the best time of your life or the worst depending on your circle of friends. I seriously pray for my students ALL the time because of this. I pray that we have equipped them with the necessary decision making skills to make the right choices. I remember high school being cliquey, and I remember struggling to find a place where I fit in. I also remember thinking that high school was everything and that I couldn’t imagine not being in high school. The idea of “there is more to life than this” just wasn’t in the picture.

High school is but a speck in your lifetime. It’s a four year time period of your life where you’re figuring out who you are, think you know who you are, and still realize you have a lot of growing to do. I look back to when I was 17 and I just laugh at myself. I thought I had it figured out, I thought I knew what I wanted, I thought I knew who would be there for me. I thought I knew it all. Actually, even looking back just a year ago I thought I had it figured out, makes me wonder what life will be like when I’m 30.

Fan Friday

2010-10-15T08:07:00.000-07:00

Today's Fan Friday is none other than Brenda Harrell. If you don't know this woman, I mean it when I say that you are missing out. Brenda you are by far one of the absolute sweetest women I've ever met. I admire how sincere you are, how big your heart is, and how supportive you are. On top of being gorgeous on the outside, you are gold on the inside. I mean it when I say that I admire you, I strive to be as open and honest as you are. You always have a smile on your face that warms my heart.

I always want to make sure you know that I support you in everything you do. I can't imagine working, doing school, running a ministry, and as if that wasn't enough, bring married! You have so much more strength than I think you even realize. I think you are incredibly talented, creative, and gifted. So full of love and compassion. I am beyond blessed that I get to do life with you by my side. I know I can count on you whenever I need you, and please know that you've got me whenever you need me. Love you, B$!

The Widows Offering

2010-10-13T14:47:00.000-07:00

Last night myself and some leaders from Remnant went out after service for our usual late night dinner. While at dinner we noticed a homeless man eating inside, the students and I started conversation asking how he was, nothing out of the ordinary. While going to order our food one of our students said he didn't have any money to eat but he was hungry. Without even hesitating this homeless man took out a dollar and some change and said "here, it's not a lot but you can get something". I was floored.

I know a dollar and some change may not seem like a big deal, but to someone who has nothing, you would think that he would be hanging on to every last penny that he has. It reminded me of this story:

The Widow's Offering
41Jesus sat down opposite the place where the offerings were put and watched the crowd putting their money into the temple treasury. Many rich people threw in large amounts. 42But a poor widow came and put in two very small copper coins,[a]worth only a fraction of a penny.[b]

43Calling his disciples to him, Jesus said, "I tell you the truth, this poor widow has put more into the treasury than all the others. 44They all gave out of their wealth; but she, out of her poverty, put in everything—all she had to live on."

He didn't know it, but I had already told the student I would buy his dinner. To me, buying a $2 dollar meal for someone is no big deal, to everyone else I looked like the saint. But honestly there was no real sacrifice on my part. But this man on the other hand, it was all he had. My favorite part is that He was still saying "God bless you" as we left that night. To have nothing, or at least in the eyes of society to have "nothing" and still be praising God's name is powerful. I didn't think that walking into Taco Bell for dinner would have left a long lasting impression on me, just proof that God can reveal His beauty wherever I am.

India Update

2010-10-05T14:19:00.000-07:00

As recently said in one of my previous post "India" I wanted to update you on the progress we have made so far. Myself and our team had the privilege of meeting the family that we will be traveling with to India. Such a beautiful husband and wife and their two kids. We couldn't have asked for a better group to travel with. We were able to have an authentic Indian meal with them and watch a documentary on India and it's culture.

We have been told that we will be working with youth camps, prisons for women and men, and also working in the church that was built up by our missionaries family. Working with the youth is already something that tugs on my heart. We have been told that they want us to recreate the experience of being in the Remnant family. From our understanding, we have been told that people out there claim to be Christian, but they don't fully understand what it means. They don't fully understand that Jesus came to die for them, just like he died for you and me. Our goal is to bring hope, life, and rejuvination.

I can't get over how exciting this trip is going to be. God really has hand picked the most amazing people to go out there and spread the love! Looking forward to the 18 hour plane ride, the culture, the people, the experience. Another update, I have been blessed with donations for the trip! Praise God! I'm on my way to making my goal, but I am definitely not there yet, there is still time for you to contribute, if you should feel lead to donate to myself or my team I would be forever grateful.

8 Days Later...

2010-10-03T23:25:00.000-07:00

8 Days later and I am officially finished with reading "Redeeming Love". You read in a previous post that this book is quiet the hefty read. I never thought I'd finish it, let alone finish it within 8 days of picking it up. This book will forever be one of my favorite reads. Last I left off reading was towards her finally starting to let her guard down and let this man love her for her. She finally let herself get to the point where she admitted that she too was falling in love with him. Slowly letting herself open up more and more, she found herself getting more emotionally attached to her husband. The way a wife should be with her husband, correct? Well, through the timeline of her letting down her guard, she ended up turning love into infatuation and idolization.

Through the process of her realizing she loves him, she feels she isn't everything in a woman that he deserved to have. She comes to the decision that she should leave him, that he should find a woman who believes what he believes, a woman who can bare his children. She gives the ultimate sacrifice, she sacrifices her happiness for the happiness of the one man she ever really loved. She ends up leaving him, this wasn't the first time she had left him, in fact, this was the third time she had left him. The first two times he went after her and brought her back. This time was different, he knew he wasn't supposed to go after her. He cried out to God asking "God why would you tell me to love her if you were just going to take her away". And this hit me like a TON of bricks when God spoke and said "Beloved, let me have her". God spoke to him and said "Let no other gods be before me" to which Michael was confused and couldn't understand what God meant. He cried out to God and said "but I never put any other Gods before you!" and God spoke "but she has".

It was then that Michael realized that this whole time his wife was idolizing him and worshipping him as if he was her God. All the goodness she knew from the world came from the one man who loved her unconditionally, not understanding that the love he felt for her was a reflection of the one who IS love. He had to put full faith in God that He would take care of her. Fully believing that if God wanted him for her, that she would return on her own when she was ready and had made a decision. They were apart for three years. She ended up making a life of her own, a life that she knew God had called her to. She ministered to prostitutes and helped them learn new trades so they could leave their old life behind. She was bringing women and children out of slavery. She found God to be real, and finally made the decision to follow Him with her whole heart. She heard God say that it was time for her to go back to him. She was ready to go back because she had accepted and embraced who she was in Christ. Fully understanding that she was worthy of His love and also worthy of her husbands affections. She wasn't just Mrs Hosea, she wasn't "Angel" or "Sara" but she was and is His beloved.

She realized that God needed to be at the center of her life. That she couldn't look to this man to fulfill her every need. Something that I think every girl should realize, something that I came to the harsh realization of not long ago. We as women, and even men, need to know that we cannot rely on someone to fill the God size yearning that we have for completeness. We expect our boyfriends, husbands, girlfriends, and wives to be our all and all, when in reality, we need God to be our all and all. He is to be our #1 and not our #2.

This entire part of the book hit me so hard because I found myself in the same situation not long ago. So ready to let go of everything God had for me in order to follow the dreams of someone else. Not finding my own identity in Him, not realizing that I wasn't giving Him the full attention He deserved because my attention was focused elsewhere. I realized that I needed to keep focus on where God wants me to be, focused on what God wants me to do, as opposed to changing my life and the plans He has for me to fit anothers. I know that if I keep Him at the center of my life, and I trust in Him, that He would do what's best for me, and by doing that I can't go wrong. He will never wrong me, never forsake me, I am His beloved.

Fan Friday

2010-10-01T13:10:00.000-07:00

Fan Friday has seemed to be MIA for quite a while. I'm not sure if it's the bussiness of life or just plain procrastination that gets the best of me. That said, today's entry is a double feature. I'll start with Aly Phipps, the birthday girl. This beautiful young woman is literally a ray of sunshine. Aly is incredibly talented, filled with an immense amount of potential to succeed in no matter what she does. I am blessed to know her, she is the younger sister I never had. Aly Phipps, this is YOUR year! Praying that God shows you just how much you mean to Him. This year will be one of the best of your life, keep seeking Him in ALL you do and He will begin showing you things you never thought possible. Remnant J. High as a ministry is blessed beyond belief to have you as part of the team, and I am honored that you let me speak life into you!

Second, and most definitely not least or last. Sir Scottie Belli Malec. Scottie, you're one of the most gifted people I know. The fire and passion you show for Jesus is something that makes me want to seek God more. Your unwillingness to compromise who you are in Him is encouraging. You radiate who He is just by hearing you speak to others, watching you interact with those you love and care about. He has HUGE things for you, and I know you know that. I am fortunate that I get to be a small part in helping make those things a reality. You are doing such a great job! Our ministry would not be the same without you, our church family would not be the same with out, and lastly, I would not be the same with you. I am looking forward to seeing all of the things that God does through you, I know it will be nothing short of amazing, because YOU ARE GOD'S FAVORITE.

Pg. 242

2010-09-28T09:50:00.000-07:00

DISCLAIMER: If you haven't already read this book and you feel I will ruin it by giving some of it away, do NOT read this post.

I purchased the book "Redeeming Love" on Friday night, it is now Tuesday morning and I am on pg. 242. I don't usually have much time to read, so to be able to read 242 pages in such a short time is a success for me. From the first chapter of this book I was hooked, I cried through a lot of it. Which these days doesn't come as big shock to anyone. The story begins with a young girl living with her mother, mother was a single woman having an affair with a married man who had his own kids to worry about. She comes to the realization that her father doesn't want her, nor did he ever want her. Finding out that she was supposed to be aborted. Father ends up leaving mother and mother and child move out to the docks of New York where mother takes up the oldest profession alive: prostitution.

This young girl is forced to see her mother sell herself for money in order to keep her family alive. Her mother ends up dying when she was just 8 years old. At this point she is left alone in the world with no family to call her own. Her mothers "friend" thinking that he's doing her a favor, ends up selling her off into prostitution, he thought he was selling her off to be with a good rich family. This girl has grown up to believe that she is only good for one thing, and one thing only. She doesn't believe that any man would want her for anything more than what she can do for them. She's used, abused, and emotionally dry. For 10 years she spent her life selling herself for food, shelter, and protection.

Enter Michael Hosea, the epitome of Godly man. He sees her out while she's taking a walk and immediately feels God saying to him "that's her, your future wife". Amazed by her beauty he can not wait to meet her. Until, he finds out that she's the most expensive prostitute around. He can't get over the fact that God would call him to marry a woman of her profession. He obeys, paying money for endless nights just to be able to talk to her and convince her that she can lead a better life for herself and that he can make her happy. This girl doesn't understand how any man would want to give her a good life, how any man can possibly love her, for her. He ends up physically taking her from the brothel she was in, she was one more beating away from being killed when he came to rescue her. Before he takes her he says I'm not taking you until you marry me, she answers "why not?" and so, a marriage began.

The rest of what I've read is where my heart aches, such a good man trying his absolute best to show this woman that God really does exists and that he thinks she's the most beautiful creature created. Showing her that sex and love come together, that sex doesn't just have to be something you get money for. He slowly shows her that he is the man he says he is. Strong, reliable, passionate, provider, listener, loving, etc. The list goes on. I think it restores a bit of faith back into the male species, that a man like this can actually exist. I know a lot of people will say "well that's just a book" well, in my half full glass of water I believe men like this can still be around, I've seen it and experienced it. My heart aches for women who have been so hurt by men in their life that they aren't able to let themselves relate to God in that way because they've never experienced it from any earthly man.

I identify with her because growing up I never had the Godly man to show me that God can really love me the way the bible says He can. I never had those strong male figures in my family to show me that men should take care of their wives, just as women should take of their husbands. It's why till this day I'm still in aww and shock whenever I see men supporting their wives, loving them to no end, and reminding them daily that they love them. A word to the ladies, don't settle for a man because you think there is no one better. I'd rather be alone than in a bad relationship and be miserable. Have faith that God would provide your very own Michael Hosea.

Surprise!

2010-09-26T22:47:00.000-07:00

As if my birthday wasn't amazing enough, the beautiful Brenda Harrell asked me to have dinner with her because she wasn't able to celebrate with me on my actual day. I was under the impression that it would just be her, Candice, and I at dinner. As we started walking towards our "three party table" I hear "surprise!" none other than some of my most favorite people. I was not in the least bit expecting to have everyone at dinner. If you didn't already know, I LOVE surprises! I love that someone would go out of their way to think of me and do something that they know I will love. And as if that wasn't enough, everyone had a turn to present a gift and an encouraging word to go with it. Thank you to Brenda, Jolene, Aly, Jesse, Candice, Kelsey, Andrew, Christina, and Stephen for making my birthday that much more special. PCH, you were definitely missed, but we all know you were there in spirit. BEYOND blessed. I am God's favorite.

Redeeming Love

2010-09-24T21:44:00.000-07:00

What did I just get myself into? A couple of my favorite ladies who's opinion I value incredibly, suggested I read this book. It's a HUGE book! All 462 pages of it, I'll keep you posted on my progress. Also, I realized that the way I took the picture with my Macbook that the words are backwards, good thing I titled the blog.

Girl Power!

2010-09-23T22:10:00.000-07:00

Ok, so the title of the blog is incredibly cheesy, but I realize the older I get the more I value my girlfriends. For the past few months I have been apart of what the leadership at the church calls "Eagles Nest". We have been getting together every few weeks to discuss the book "The Next Generation Leader" by Andy Stanley. I really enjoyed the book, and I really felt like I got a lot out of it with the situations I was facing as a leader. I went into this group thinking I would just be getting together to discuss a book, but what I got was so much more than that.

These women are all so completely different, and yet we all have a common bond. A yearning to be the women of God that we have been called to be. Women who want to make a difference in this world and the people we encounter. We all strive to continue learning and bettering our lives. I am incredibly thankful for these women that I have met. I would have never been able to get to know them for who they are, I would have just gone on with my perception of who they are, which was completely wrong. I am learning that I can't just assume that people are one way, I need to really stop and get to know someone for who they are.

Tonight was the last night we all met as a "Eagles Nest" group. We ended by having dinner and just catching up on what has been happening in our lives the past few weeks. I am thankful that I really feel I have a group of women that I can count on should I need them. The beauty of all of it is that we are all in such different places of our lives that it's nice to be able to look to someone who may have already gone through what I am going through and get the advice or encouragement I need to keep pushing through. And also the other side of it, that I would be able to pay it back in my own unique way.

My hope is that the relationships continue to strengthen, even if we don't see each other every week, or get together every three weeks, but that we would know that we shared something special for a certain time. And that we would make time for each other in our crazy busy lives, filled with meetings, kids, husbands, jobs, ministries, etc.

Goodbye 25 Hello 26

2010-09-22T00:20:00.000-07:00

It's official: I am 26. Wowza! What an incredible few days of celebrating. Dinner at my favorite restaurant, relaxing and funny movie, late night flapjacks, Happiest Place on Earth, rode my first roller-coaster, lunch with my sister and nephew, carrot cake from my coworkers, flowers galore, dinner with my grandma (it's her b day too), In N' Out with my church family, ended with reading the beautiful cards I received. I am. loved. Thank you to everyone who text me, facebooked me, emailed me, called me, twittered me, gave me a card, gave me a hug, wished me happy birthday, and anything in-between. And a special shout out to those who endured walking all day, getting their clothes wet, and conquering the fear of heights with me. I appreciate you all more than you know. Twenty five, you were good to me, but it's time I move on to 26.

Enough Is Enough

2010-09-21T13:11:00.000-07:00

In one of my recent post "4am Adventures" I talked about how I had to take a rush visit to the ER in the middle of the night. Well, since then I've been back to the ER twice for the same reasons. I feel like I should start reserving my own bed there. Trips to the ER have not exactly been on my "To Do" lists, but sadly it's been making it's way into my schedule. Yesterday morning is when it finally hit me that I believe God is trying to get my attention. I'm not able to take care of my body the way that I should, I'm not allowing myself time to rest, I'm not taking the time to make sure I am 100%. This pattern of get sick, rest a bit, get back into crazy life, sick again, no rest, crazy life, sick again, isn't working. Something's gotta give somewhere.

I broke down crying with my nurse yesterday morning, well, I broke down crying a few times yesterday. The first though was when I was about to get shot up with morphine in my IV and I said to the nurse "Am I going to get a lot of that? Because last time I was in bed for two days and I have a lot of stuff to do today", WOW. As those words were coming out of my mouth, I thought "Really Brenda?" I'm laying in a hospital bed strapped to a heart monitor, an IV, and a blood pressure machine, and I just asked the nurse for little pain medication because I have a lot to do today. There's something wrong with this picture. I let her know what I do for a living and what I do at the church. She said to me "I know I don't know you very well, but I do know that in order for you to continue taking care of other people, you have to take care of yourself" that's when the first set of waterworks came. A wake up call that I really need to SLOW DOWN.

I think sometimes I forget that God never intended for me to be stressed, worried, frustrated, tired, worn out, sick, etc. I get so wrapped up in how much I'm doing FOR Him, when all He wants from me, is me. I can't tell you how frustrated I felt yesterday. Frustrated that I had ZERO time in my day to even schedule a lunch date with my sister because I was going to be in meetings all day, frustrated that I couldn't be 100% for my team, most of all frustrated because I LET myself get this way. To physically be making myself sick because I'm not slowing down enough to take care of myself is NOT what God has intended for me. As I was laying in the ER bed I worried about what I was missing in my meetings, texting and emailing those who needed to know where I was, I just thought to myself, I am ridiculous. Time to change some things around.

Yay or Nay?

2010-09-18T09:48:00.001-07:00

I don't take myself as seriously as this photo suggest, just wanted to make that clear. I am also not one to ask a lot of opinions, but in this case I'm curious. I've wanted bangs like this for years, but I never had the guts to actually do it. Yay or nay?

Happy Birthday!

2010-08-29T23:27:00.000-07:00

Today this beautiful woman, who happens to be one of my best friends, turns 26! Happy birthday, Candice! This is going to be one of the best years of your life. Looking forward to seeing what God has in store for you. Here's to another birthday celebration under our belts.

<3

Girls Night Out

2010-08-29T23:24:00.000-07:00

Need I say more?

Boy Meets Girl

2010-08-25T09:27:00.000-07:00

What ever happened to:

Boy meets girl
Boy likes girl
Girl likes boy
Boy asks girl out
Boy+girl= happily ever after.

Bring it to 2010:

I'm interested- Translation- There is something about you that makes me want to get to know you better.

I have a crush-Translation- I feel like a little girl whenever I'm around you because all I can do is giggle at your jokes.

I like you- Translation- I could potentially have your baby one day.

I would like to date you but...-Translation- I have excuses for why I can't date you. Ex "I'm too busy", "I'm not sure God wants this for me", "I don't know where I'll be in a year", or my personal favorite "What if it doesn't work out?"

I won't down play those reasons, I just wonder why we have to make things so complicated. And be we, I mean me.

India

2010-08-23T00:11:00.000-07:00

I'm going to India! Missions letters always seem a little difficult for me, the reality is that mission letters are sent out for 1 of 2 reasons: 1. I need your money 2. I need your prayer. I know people sometimes get a little weird when it comes to asking for money, but the reality is that it's needed. But I always feel prayer is overlooked as not being a big contributer. We NEED prayer just as much as money. Below is my letter asking for your help, please read...

Dearest friend,

I trust this letter finds you well, I am writing you to share some exciting news! As most of you may know I have accepted the position of Director of Remnant J. High. I am working with one of the most amazing group of people that I could have ever dreamed of. Remnant is redefining what "church" is. Our vision is to show others that the church isn't a place, it's a people. That church reached outside of the building walls, where community meets relationship.

I have been blessed with the opportunity to minister to the youth of our city. Not only are we reaching the next generation of our city, but we have been presented with an opportunity to minister to the people of India. I have been asked to be apart of this amazing team that has been assembled. We have been asked to minister to thousands of people in need. In need of knowing who the real Jesus is, in knowing that there is a greater purpose for their life. We will be visiting prisons, all day youth retreats, and being available to the needs of the people.

If you have received this letter that is because I trust you will keep myself and our team in your thoughts and prayers. Break off the cliche of missions letters where it states "We would like your money, but prayer would be just fine too". Prayer is just as powerful, if not more important. I believe we will be entering spiritual warfare more than ever before, and your prayers will be in the battle with us. On that note, I won't ignore the fact that missions trips do cost money. If God has laid it on your heart to help me, please know that I would be forever grateful. The money will be due fairly quickly, seeing as though the trip is coming just around the corner. This trip is being partially funded through an amazing anonymous person who believes so much in what God is doing through us that they have faithfully petitioned to help. However, I do still need to complete my part. I am looking to raise 1,000 dollars. I will also be taking an entire week off work without pay, this is an obstacle, but I fully believe God will provide. Please feel free to ask any questions, I will be updating you along the way,and also upon my return.

Please make checks payable to: South Hills Church
Memo: Brenda Medina "India"

South Hills Church
2585 S. Main St.
Corona, Ca. 92882

Partnering with you,

So there you have it. If you should choose to support me, I really would be forever grateful.

4am Adventures

2010-08-08T09:51:00.000-07:00

Saturday morning I was woken out of a deep sleep from the most intense side pain I've ever experienced. This pain was making it a little difficult to focus on breathing. I realized it was only 3:35am and didn't know what to do. I quickly realized I should get myself to the Emergency Room, thinking I could drive myself there, false, wasn't going to happen. I text my sister but she was still completing her night shift at work. I didn't want to call my mom because A. she would freak out and B. She lives 30 minutes away and I didn't think I could wait that long. I thought calling 911 seemed a bit dramatic so I passed. Then I of course thought, Gretchen Baxter, first thing I said was "don't freak out but I have a really bad pain in my side and it's making it hard to breathe" haha how would you not freak out? Well, she didn't, no questions asked she came and swooped me up and we were off to the ER.

Thank the Lord that there was a bed available, and thank the Lord my copay is still only $5 dollars, one of the many perks to working for Kaiser. As soon as I got there I was given an IV, I don't like needles, but when they said they would give me pain med through the IV, I said GO FOR IT! I sounded like a woman in labor who wanted her epidurals. Whatever it is that they gave me sent me into dizzy land because I could not focus on anything. I had blood work done, and then I was wheeled into the x ray room for a CT scan. I don't remember much of it, must have been the drugs.

My sister came and met me at the hospital as soon as she was off her shift, relieving Gretchen from duty. The Dr. came back with the results that I do in fact have kidney stones, I have 1 and it is small. Is this what happeneds when you start to get older? I'm 25 for crying out loud. I did my research on kidney stones and all I can come up with is that there is no common thread on how to get it. Some say change of diet, lack of water, too much calcium, too much vitamin C. How do you get too much vitamin C? I suppose too much of anything is not good.

I can not stress to you enough how grateful I am for my friends and my family. I was literally brought to tears last night just thinking about all the people that either, text me, facebooked me, emailed me, called me, etc. just say they were thinking of me and if I needed anything to let them know. Gretchen, you are amazing in every way, thank you for coming to get me at that insane hour, and still managing to make me laugh on the way to the hospital. Kathy, I can always count on you to be there for me no matter what the situation. And to my mother, she's been here all weekend, getting me medicine, water, food, etc. I am very thankful to have her here. I am one blessed individual.

Signing My Life Away

2010-08-04T08:08:00.001-07:00

Ok so maybe saying I signed my life away is a tad dramatic. But I did renew my lease at my apartment complex for the next twelve months. I had this immediate fear of commitment. When did I turn into a commitment phobe? I suppose my thought was "What if God doesn't want me here a whole year?" but realistically, a year is not a very long time. And because God's timing is perfect, I know wherever I go or wherever I end up will be where He wants me.

The life of a bachelorette continues...

Fan Friday

2010-07-30T09:43:00.000-07:00

KELSEY De LANNOY: AKA K-TRAAAAIIIIN!

It's been a while since my last "Fan Friday" my apologies for depriving you all this time. Today's "Fan Friday" pick is none other than Kelsey De Lannoy. Kelsey is an incredibly gifted graphic design artist that works for South Hills Church. She is constantly blowing people away with how talented she is.

On top of the fact that she is beautiful, she has one of the most sincere hearts I've ever seen. Regardless of how long you've known her she will be there for you no questions asked. She's also fearless, don't let this girl catch you on the soccer field, she'll school you!

Thanks to Kelsey my blog has a beautiful new look, should you have graphic designing needs, hit her up! And you can also follow her on twitter: @kelsadilla.

Parent Night

2010-07-27T13:00:00.000-07:00

Last night was our first ever Remnant J. High Parent Night.We invited the parents of the 6th, 7th, and 8th grade students. The goal of the evening was to invite parents into the world of what it's like to be a teenager in 2010. The night was nothing short of a success. We had close to 30 parents attend in support of their student. It was incredibly encouraging to see that so many parents took time to see what their student experiences each week.

At the end of the night we asked parents to stay back and do a few Q. & A's. My eyes welled up listening to parents say that our ministry has been a blessing to their entire family.Parents sharing that their child is making sure that praying as a family occurs everyday. Students who are realizing who they are in Christ and what His plan is for them. It's confirmation that we're doing what He has asked us to do.

We wanted parents to know that we understand that this is a partnership between parent, student, and ministry. We assured them that we understand the importance in making the transition from elementary to J. High the smoothest one possible. We know that it can be an intimidating thing taking that next step into spiritual maturity. Our vision is to be there every step of the way until it's time to cross the next bridge.

Thank you to every parent that came out in support of your student and the ministry. This is just the beginning of what God wants to do through Remnant J. High ministry. I truly believe God is going to bless us with more than we even dreamed of. Partnering together with parents is the first step at assuring our students will become the most spiritual, emotional, and physically healthy they can be.

Weekend Update

2010-07-26T00:13:00.001-07:00

This weekend has been one of my favorites by far! I got to hang with my beautiful nephew and mother (see prior post for pics). Then Saturday I got to witness two of my friends get married! Congratulations to Dan and April, she's my sister from another mother, and father for that matter. Fun times with some of my amazing friends, food, laughs, dancing, cake, and of course the bouquet toss. For the first time ever I caught the bouquet at a wedding, and you know what they say about catching the bouquet... I'll keep you posted if I get engaged anytime soon.

And Sunday the Remnant family took a trip to Huntington beach for a little soccer, empire, volleyball, bon fire, smores, and great company. I love these people like my own family. Loved being able to spend the day with them making memories. Summer is by far my favorite season, not in temperature, but all I can think of is beach, bon fires, bbq's, pool parties, and midnight premiers. Turning out to be a Summer for the books!

Take 4!

2010-07-23T22:50:00.001-07:00

Spent my Friday night hanging out with this handsome guy, and my mom. Wouldn't have it any other way.

It Doesn't Matter If You're Black Or White

2010-07-22T09:50:00.001-07:00

Apparently, it does. Not physically speaking, but emotionally and spiritually. I've come to the realization that I am ridiculously black and white. I'm an all or nothing type of girl. I am realizing that I live in world full of shades of gray and vibrant colors. This morning I had a conversation with Gretchen about how I am so quick to say "Nope, I'm done" she was quick to point out my straight line, my black and white perception if you will. I don't know where this idea came from that I have to have all or nothing, that if I feel I've been wronged or letdown that I won't give second or third chances. Where does Jesus fit into any of that? He doesn't.

If my goal is to be Christ-like then I need to embrace that life isn't going to fit into my cookie cutter image. That at some point there will be coloring outside the lines and I can't control that. Control, there's a word that I can't get away from. I live in this bubble that I try to control on a daily basis, when in reality I have control of about 2% of my life. I'm learning to embrace the shades of gray and the possible colors seeping through my black and white dotted line. Embracing the swirls I suppose. And embracing the fact that I can't give up on something or someone just because it isn't going the way I planned it to be. So if you get anything out of this, embrace the swirls of life. They really can be quite beautiful.

31 Days And Counting...

2010-07-17T12:01:00.000-07:00

Recently a lot of my friends have been on this "cleanse" kick. I refused to jump on the bandwagon, that is until a friend of mine that works at Nutrishop suggested I take the DETOX-LGC. I am supposed to take it for 31 days. So in an effort to make myself more healthy, I decided to give it a try.

Here goes nothing...

"Real Women Have Curves"

2010-07-14T13:42:00.001-07:00

Hilarious that the term "Real Women Have Curves" even exists. I would say that I am a real woman, but I am not blessed in the department of having the Coke bottle figure. I suppose I can blame my fathers genes for not getting that Jennifer Lopez booty that I've always dreamed of. About 6 weeks ago I signed up for "Curves" ladies gym. It's probably hard to picture a gym being a "God thing" but, I think it is. The owner of the gym is a Christian and so are the women that work there. They are open about it and always offer up incredible support and guidance. The added bonus is that my amazingly beautiful friend and woman I look up to, Gretchen Baxter, joined the gym with me. Waking up at 615 to go workout five times a week isn't exactly easy, but having morning talks with Gretchen while doing so is an added bonus.

Since starting the gym about 6 weeks ago and starting to change my eating habits. Eating three meals a day and three snacks, I have lost a total of 11 lbs. It's definitely an accomplishment for me. I know what when I put my mind to something I can do anything. My original thought behind getting by butt in gear was that I wanted to be more physically fit for Summer Camp. I knew I would need all the added energy I could get. And being up there I could really feel that I didn't get as tired as I normally do. And was able to keep up just fine. My goal and motivation at this point is my 26th birthday in September! I will officially be in my "late" twenties. Whatever that means. The overall goal will always remain that I want to be healthy. I'm not looking to rid myself of my favorite foods or starving myself, everything in moderation. I'm not looking to be this size 6 girl, because that will never be me. I'm not built that way. Being healthy I can handle.

DISCLAIMER: Now that you know this information it doesn't give you the authority to say "should you be eating that?". Just an FYI :)

Blast From The Past

2010-07-12T23:01:00.000-07:00

This morning I ran into an old high school teacher, these moments can either be awkward or enjoyable. Thankfully, it was brief but enjoyable. I always get the question "so what's new?" Well, considering I haven't seen you since 2002 I would say a lot is new. Where do I start? This time I started with where I am and worked my way backwards to how I got there.

Back in the day when I was asked "so what have you been doing since high school?" I was never proud of what my answer was going to be. Today, things are different. I was proud to tell my old theater teacher that God completely turned my life around. That I decided to spend my life searching after Gods heart and mentoring students in the process.

The look on his face was pretty priceless, it was that look of a proud teacher. A teacher who had told me my senior year of High School that I wouldn't be passing his Theater class because I ditched too many times. Pretty amazing the way times have changed.

Moments like those always cause me to reflect on the years that have passed. Where I was, where I am, and where I am hopefully going. I found myself hoping that we wouldn't get to the "how are your parents doing?" Question. That's the one that depending on the day you catch me on, will or will not have an effect on me. Today though, he didn't ask, but it still caused me to think a lot about it.

I miss my dad. Today was the first day in a while that I teared up about him. I think today I missed him more because the look on my teachers face is the look I would love to see from my dad. I know if he was still around he would say he was proud of me. I know that should be enough, but sometimes its not. And I'm ok with that. I have to be ok with that. I'm thankful I still have a mother who reminds me that I'm doing a good job with my life.

Kids Summer Camp 2010

2010-07-09T15:40:00.000-07:00

This morning I woke up from day 5 of Kids Summer Camp wondering why my cheek hurt. Then I remembered that one of the 8 year old girls that was following me around all week decided it would be funny to slap me in the face. Ah yes, just a glimpse into the week I've had. I went up to that mountain with the intent to build stronger relationships with the 5th graders going into 6th and the 6th going into 7th. What I got, was far more than I had bargained for.

I ended up playing mother hen with her 5 chicks surrounding me 24/7. I am not a mother, nor do I pretend to know how hard it is. But after this week I truly feel like I got a glimpse into what my future with children will be like. Everything from opening cartons of milk, to tying shoes, to reminding the girls to shower and brush their teeth, to handling a meltdown because a baby frog was killed. God's sense of humor will always amaze me. I learned that I have a lot more patience than I thought. It was different for me, but a good different. They kept me on my toes, and I love them for that.

I was fortunate enough to be able to teach a class all week on "Serving Your Guts Out!" I told the story of Jesus washing his disciples feet and how we need to be the servants that God has called us to be. I spoke about having a servants heart and how we can apply that to our everyday lives. After telling them the story, I literally washed their feet. I did it to show symbolism, and to convey that Jesus never asked us to do anything that He himself has not already done. After washing their feet, I was asked if they could wash mine. That was a "proud mama" moment for me. Beyond thrilled that they understood the message of Jesus.

It was a beautiful site to see so many kids accepting Christ and being filled with the Holy Spirit. Being able to pray with girls to receive that power from God was a huge blessing. Something that I will never forget, and those girls will never forget. I pray that their lives continue to grow with God and that they keep Him at the center. It's easy to be on fire for God when you are surrounded by believers on a mountain for five days. The real test comes when you're back at school, work, sports etc. The "real world" if you will.

I absolutely LOVE children, I do. But after this week I truly know that my heart lies with the youth. I know that my time up there wasn't for nothing, I know that God doesn't do anything for nothing. I know that I may not see right now what I got to do with those girls, but someday, they will be sitting in J. High talking to me about "that time" at Summer Camp when they were just rugrats.

I am beyond blessed that God continues to work on me day in and day out. This past month and a half has been the most stretching and rewarding time for me. I know that through the difficult situations I am faced with, that God is going to give me strength and wisdom.

Back From Seattle

2010-05-30T23:48:00.000-07:00

It's been a week since I've been home from Seattle. I am still somewhat living out of my suitcase, yes, I know. Seattle was one of the most gorgeous cities I've seen. It was definitely the most clean city I have been in. I had the pleasure of being there for a total of three days, I wish I could have stayed longer but I was also ready to come home. I love being in different cities, I just always wish I would bring the people from home with me.

We got in at about 8pm on Friday night, which didn't leave too much time to do anything except get some dinner and call it a night. The sky was beautiful, the sun was barely setting and the sky was filled with colorful orange sections mixed with sun, clouds, and rain. Saturday was by far my favorite day. We started with Pike Place Market where I had a hot cup of coffee from the first ever Starbucks coffee shop. We enjoyed our breakfast overlooking the water. The sun was shining and the weather was perfect!

Following breakfast we headed to the EMP (Experience Music Project). This was one of my favorite things we did. We were able to read about the different genres of music, and even play different instruments in their "Music Lab". Best part about the EMP was that they had a photoshoot area with instruments that you could take pictures with. We enjoyed our 15 minutes of fame.

After the EMP it was time to meet up with Andrew (our first visitor experience). Andrew is a fantastic friend of mine that I was blessed to meet last summer. He lives in Portland, which is about a 2-3 hr drive from Seattle. He came out to spend the day with us. We kept the day going with a trip to the Space Needle, we experienced the observation deck (where I thought I was going to lose it) and we had a very expensive (but totally worth it) lunch in the Space Needles restaurant. The restaurant is on a rotator so you can see the city from every angle possible.

We had some downtime so me, Andrew, Nicole, and Aaron headed through to the Sculpture park and just sat and enjoyed the view. There was so much beautiful scenery to take in. After that, it was dinner with the Ramos' and Aaron's hilarious friend Charlie. It was a really interesting mix of people that just meshed well together. Spending time with Jason and Denise was great. It had been a while since we all were able to come together.

Sunday was craziness with the entire Ramos clan. It was the day for the Woodland Park Zoo with Noah and Levi. Noah is a crazy boy who is growing up too fast! The Zoo is always a great place to go, I am an animal lover so I could spend hours staring at animals, especially elephants. That was our last hang out day with the Ramos'. We had dinner overlooking the entire city of Seattle at Salty's. By far the best food with a view that I have ever had. It was a stunning view complete with rainbow because it had just rained.

Monday was a really relax day, we didn't want to do anything crazy. We cruised the city, did some shopping, and best of all, we had dinner with the Glasbys. I miss Heather and Grayson. We see them fairly often because of how much they fly to CA to shoot weddings, but I really enjoy their company, so it was great getting to spend a couple hours with them. Then it was home for me! Flight felt like forever. I was so ready for my bed. And that, in a nutshell, was Seattle.

I already miss everyone we spent time with.

Secrets Out!

2010-05-05T08:40:00.000-07:00

The secrets out! The cats outta the bag. However you want to say it, it's happened! In a recent post I blogged about having a secret that I wanted to share but couldn't at the moment. Well here it is in all it's glory. Drum roll please (insert drum roll) I am now the Director of Remnant Jr. High Ministries! I am beyond thrilled and beyond blessed to have the oppurtunity to work with such amazing people as Pastor Chris Harrell, Brenda Harrell, Melissa Holcombe, and none other than one of my favorite people in this entire world Miss Jolene Campbell.

The news was officially announced on Monday May 3rd at Jr. High service, making May my favorite month so far. I feel like when I say blessed it is an understatement. I have recieved nothing but unbelievable support from family, friends, leadership, and best of all the students. It is an immense pleasure for them to give me the platform to speak into their lives. I can not wait to get started!

I fully believe God is going to flood our doors with students. I want to see growth in every form. Not just growth in numbers but growth in life. These students are at the perfect age of molding, and it is our job to set the right example of what it means to be a Godly man or woman. Hold onto your seats people, this ministry is a sleeping giant just waiting to awakened. Please pray that God continue to trust us with the lives that we come in contact with. Pray that we continue making this a ministry of students who love God and His people. That we continue to show them what real "church" is.

Six Monthiversary

2010-05-01T07:44:00.000-07:00

Today marks the six month mark for myself on the life of an independent bachelorette. Six months ago today I moved into my very own apartment. I figured it would only be fitting that I do a tribute to my last six months. I can't tell you how blessed I am. Sometimes I sit on my couch and just look around and think "I am one lucky girl".

I've lived out on my own before but I have always had roommates, the best roommates anyone could ask for. But there is something about living on your own that really just makes you grow up a little bit more. The responsibility is 100% on you. If you left a dish in the sink or if you forgot to take the trash out there is no one to blame but yourself.

I have really learned to embrace my alone time, I always knew I was the type of person that needed quiet time, but being able to have it whenever I want is truly something I value. I love the freedom to do as I please. I don't want to get completely sappy in this post- just wanted to say how very grateful I am. Being in the center of God's will is a pretty amazing feeling.

Destiny

2010-04-29T10:29:00.001-07:00

I'm not talking about the destiny that we spend our lives searching for, but the little girl that myself and my Jr. Leaders were blessed to pray for a week ago. Destiny is a beautiful young girl who is in love with Jesus and believes He can do miracles. A week ago she started getting warts on her little fingers, she started with one then popped up with a few more. The Dr. proceeded with trying to burn them off, but the pain was too much for her to take, not to mention the pain that mom and dad felt while watching her go through it. Mom asked me if I could pray for her to stop feeling the pain and for the warts to stop spreading. I am always incredibly honored when someone asks me to pray for them. God can use anyone to deliver a healing, but to know that I get to be apart of it is something I find incredibly special.

Last week Destiny and her family came to the church and right there in the lobby we prayed over her, her fingers, and her family. I pulled my Jr. Leaders in to pray as well because I want to continue building their faith through the beautiful things that God does. Yesterday (exactly a week later) I was sitting in my office and Destiny came to mind. I instantly emailed her mom and asked her how she was feeling. Mom emailed me back with this:

"Girl was just gonna text u-her warts all are off-the skin just needs to heal so that i can tell if the treatment killed the entire wart! the large blister wart on her finger just fell off like 5 min ago-no joke! man god is so wonderful-thanks again for the prayers-des was so excited it came off cause this means its one step closer back to normal..."

God is GOOD! Amen?! She's healing beautifully and all of the warts have fallen off. Best part of it all is that it continues to build our faith. She'll never forget that people took the time to stop their busy routine and just pray for God to heal her.

Swing Swing

2010-04-27T13:18:00.000-07:00

Today I had my lunch at Santa Park under the shade at the picnic tables. The breeze was a bit chilly but the sunshine was glorious. Today's lunch was a little bit different than most days, there was about 10 mentally handicapped people of different ages enjoying their lunch as well. I'm not really sure if that's even the politically correct way to say it so forgive me if I offend you. I sat back and just took it all in, pondering why some are born with disabilities and some aren't. I sat there and watched as they ate, and stared off with this sad look in their eyes. All I could think was "That's no way to live" it breaks my heart to know that this will forever be their lives.

I watched as one of the men from that group got on the swing and just went for it. The entire time he was swinging he was just laughing, and laughing, and laughing. Laughing as if it were the most amazing thing he has ever done in his life. And then I thought "Hmm, if only us as adults would take joy in something so simple". Shortly after watching him, a grandmother and her granddaughter who I believe was about a year old, got on the swing next to him and began swinging. The little girl was laughing just about the same as the young man. It was almost surreal, watching her at such a young age, she has her whole life ahead of her. So pure and innocent, hasn't been tainted by society, no one has told her that she won't make it, no one has told her that she's not good enough. All she knows is that grandma is the best for taking her to the park.

It all just really made me think that if we can walk and talk that we are already incredibly blessed. If you woke up today and you're breathing then consider yourself blessed. We go through life looking at all the things we don't have and all the things that we want. But what about all the things you have but take for granted? The breath in your lungs, your ability to speak, walk, read, listen, contribute. The right to live in a free country where you're told you can be whatever you want to be. I just think that sometimes we need to stop and really take in our scenery and be thankful for it. I want to be like that young man and take joy in swinging on a swingset and like that little girl I want to believe that the world can someday be as perfect as she sees it.

Secrets Don't Make Friends

2010-04-27T11:13:00.000-07:00

Well, this time they do!

I have a HUGE secret that I can.not.wait. to share! In due time my friends, in due time. Just know this, God is amazing and His timing is perfect. Yesterday I was reminded once again that everything happens for a reason, and if we are lucky enough, we are blessed with seeing the fruit that comes from our decisions.

Stay tuned...

Connection

2010-04-24T07:47:00.000-07:00

Last night was the first Friday night in months that I didn't have a single thing planned. I loved every bit of it. I purposely said to myself that I didn't want to plan anything because I wanted to just stay home and relax. I suppose our definitions of relax are all different. My night consisted of three loads of laundry, cleaning my apartment, hot shower, Chinese take out, Bill Johnson book, You Tube videos of Kim Walker, listening to worship music, reading my bible, and an early bed time.

It felt so good to just go at my own pace and do whatever I wanted. I told myself that I just wanted to have a date night with Jesus. My old friend Tarah used to tell me all the time how she would take date nights with Him, or go on drives and just talk to Him. I want that kind of relationship where I can just take a night off and just be in His presence. No one else. Just me and Him.

I started watching You Tube videos from Jesus Culture and then I started looking up videos of Kim Walker. I was curious to hear her heart and really see what she was about. The biggest thing she touched on was that worship isn't just music, it's a connection to God. That worship isn't just the painting, or the dancing, it's us being in His prescense giving all we are to Him. Granted, she acknowledged that music, painting, poetry etc are forms of worship, but not the all end all of worship.

One of the biggest things that hit me was when she said that a lot times people go through their busy weeks of, school, work, kids, volunteering, etc. and we show up on Sundays expecting the band to get us to "that place" with God. "Make me feel something band!" when it's not about that. It made so much sense! How often are we waiting for the worship band to create that "feeling" during worship and praise. What would Sunday mornings look like if throughout the entire week we were already in "that place" with God. Dang. Chew on that for a bit...

Moving on, she talked about how her everyday struggle is battling with all of the bad things that have happened in her life. Wondering where God was in all of it. "Where were you when that happened, God?" "If you're the creator of all the universe and you hold the Earth in your hands, why didn't you stop it?". At the end of the day she wants God more than she wants her answers. Our hearts become offended when we start to wonder where He was, when we know He was there all along. When our hearts are offended we hold back from Him. We think "My heart is offended, therefor you don't get ALL of me today". It's not until we let go of that offense and just give ALL of ourselves to Him that we can fully feel our connection to Him.

Seattle!

2010-04-22T11:23:00.000-07:00

I have made a personal goal to make at least ONE trip outside of California a year. So far, I've been able to stick to my goal by visiting places like Florida, New York, New Jersey, Philladelphia, and Iowa. Those were all in a matter of a year or so.

My next planned trip is to Seattle! I can not be more excited about this trip. I love going to new places and experiencing new things. I am doing my best to live my life to the fullest potential. And traveling is one of those things that I want to do for as long as I can. Especially since someday I'll have a ball and chain and some kiddos running around, haha. Jk.

So this trip will be myself, Nicole and Aaron, and hopefully with a special guest visit from Andrew. We will be visiting the Ramos family while we are out there and also getting in a few hours of quality time with the Glasbys, SO EXCITED! Can't wait!

P.S. Part of me hopes I'll fall in love with the city and want to move. Just a small part, don't get crazy.

Jesus Culture

2010-04-17T08:31:00.000-07:00

It's been about a week since me and some of my amazing friends have been back from Jesus Culture Vegas 2010. This week has been crazy for all of us. We've seen and heard things that I don't think we were all 100% prepared for. I suppose you can't be 100% prepared for anything.

When I heard Jesus Culture was coming to a city near me I automatically jumped on the planning train and started getting my details in order. I've heard nothing but good things from the conference so I wanted to experience it for myself. I want to make clear that I honestly believe that God can rock your world from wherever you are, but I also believe there is power in being surrounded by hundreds of people that share your same passion.

The conference was designed to awaken the young people of this nation, to become revolutionary's and revivalists of our time. Given that I work with the youth I want to learn as much as I possibly can so I can further the lives of the students I Shepherd. I went there expecting a mini "Youth Convention" and what I got was more than I ever bargained for.

I can honestly say that I experienced God in a way that I didn't think was even possible. Before I left town one of my mentor pastors said to me "Keep your mind on sowing this weekend" which made a lot of sense to me because I was taking five students with me. These aren't just any students, these students are earth shakers! One of the biggest joys I got from this weekend was being able to watch these students fully give themselves to God. To just be in His presence without limitations or restrictions.

I would say that 95% of the trip I was in tears because being able to build them up in who they are in Christ, was more rewarding than anything. And God, being the amazing Father that He is, still continued to bless me through my own yearning for Him. It was a feeling of freedom, joy, beauty, and love.

There's always that sad feeling when you come back from trips such as Youth Convention, missions trips, conferences etc. For however long of time, whether it be three days, five days, or two weeks your mind was on God 24/7. It's sad because when you get home it's back to the routine, back to the schedule of life. Which then got me thinking, why do I need to go back to the grind?

While at the conference I was told by a complete stranger that I have the gift of healing, I had been told this before but something about it was different. Maybe it's because it came from a complete stranger who knew nothing about me. I was told that I really need to start using it and that if people aren't getting healed it's not because I don't believe. What really hit me about this is that I (through God) have the ability to heal the emotionally hurt people around me. I always just assumed healing meant physical. It was like this huge light bulb went off!

I vented to Jason Ramos (former Catalyst Director but still friend and mentor) about how I get frustrated at work sitting behind a desk for eight hours a day. That I feel like I can be doing so much more with my time. He told me that when I go back to work after the weekend that I'm going to have a different feeling towards being there. My first reaction was "I hope so!". I also complained that a lot of times I see these people who are emotionally broken and all I want to do is pray for them but I can't because I could get in trouble for it. To which Jason then said "Do it! See what happeneds". To which leads me to this crazy story...

I was in my office minding my business when this older man came in and sat down. He needed to schedule a follow up appointment with his therapist. From the moment he walked into my office it was this "I need to pray for this guy" then I immediately went to "Uhhhh whaaat?". So he starts going on about how he is on dialysis three times a week, his arm is badly deformed from all the poking and prodding he goes through. He talked about how he was always a happy person but that this disease is bringing him down. So then I said "can I ask you a personal question?" then I said "Do you believe in prayer?" He answered with "I never really used to but I've been praying a lot more lately" so then I asked if I could pray for him, he said yes, I called his wife into my office and right then and there I held his hand (the arm that was badly beat up) and prayed. As soon as I said amen, he said "WOW! My arm don't hurt anymore!" Frrrrrrick. His eyes lit up like he saw a ghost by the shock he was in that his arm didn't hurt anymore. God is GOOD!

Here's my point to all that, I don't say it to say that I'm this amazing person who prays for people and they get healed, I say it to say that I was nervous like crazy but I was obedient and God came through! Do something thats dangerous enough to where you need God in order for it to work. Move in FAITH!

Embracing April

2010-04-08T07:54:00.000-07:00

I've been having this itch lately to blog, but I feel like I have zero time to actually sit down and process my feelings on screen. So much has happened since my last entry that I don't even really know where to start, so I'll start with the fact that I'm in love...with what I do. I'm in love with how much I've been able to work with students. Everytime a Tuesday or a Wednesday night rolls around I am reminded of how much I LOVE working with the youth.

Monday night I was fortunate enough to be able to speak to the Jr. High students of Remnant. It was the first time I had ever preached from the main stage at the church. So needless to say I was a little nervous about it. I showed a NOOMA video from Rob Bell entitled "Name" It talked about Jacob trying to pass himself off as his brother so he could receive his fathers blessings. I went on to talk about how we still do that till this day, we try to be something we're not.

As the message went on I talked a lot about how I used to be in High School, and also how I used to be just months ago. One of the biggest things I wanted to communicate was that we gain nothing from comparing ourselves to other people. So and so and is prettier than I am, so and so is smarter than I am. Who cares? God made you the way you are for a reason, embrace the skin you're in.

I took it a step further and asked "How many of you compare yourselves spiritually to other people?" I know I personally still struggle with it from time to time. so and so prays better than I do, so and so lifts their hands higher during worship. Really? I'm pretty sure God isn't looking down on me saying "Ummm, that prayer sucked!" But how often do we believe the lies of the enemy and say "I'm not good enough". I wanted them to know that it's ok if their in a different stage of their relationship with God, that it's ok if their prayer doesn't last five minutes. God knows our hearts better than we do, and He knows what we mean.

Most of the message was talking about what their name represents, when they think of their name do they think good things? Do they think "smart, pretty, funny etc" or do they think "not good enough, stupid, ugly". I told them to take a minute to think about their name and what it means to them. That whenever they hear negative words to replace them with what God really thinks of them. I had Bryan Corona come out towards the end with a stack of carboard cut outs with words on them. Words like Envy, jealousy, anger, depression... I asked them "Are these words that come to mind when you think of your name?" the final two cardboards said "I am..." "A child of GOD!" I told them that's the first thing they should think of and that when they look in the mirror they should see the beauty that God sees in them.

It felt so good to be able to get up there and talk about how I used to be to where God has taken me. To be an example that when life seems like it's not going to get any better...it does. And it was also a reminder to me that God really has transformed me, not even just from when I was in High School, but even from just months ago. I have sincerely prayed for Him to break me and mold me to what He wants me to be. I'll never get "there" but the journey of getting there is what I'm embracing.

March Madness

2010-03-14T21:44:00.000-07:00

Oh. My. Word. What a crazy month this has been! So many things have taken place in the last couple weeks that have really been amazing to see. I honestly don't even know where to start. I saw a couple friends get married, so excited for them and their new life together! Was able to be apart of an amazing night of prayer where I got about 3 hours of sleep but was 110% worth it. I'm still in school, I like it, but I think I will forever have an issue with homework. I'm not a fan of sitting at home for hours doing worksheets. I know it sounds like I'm being a baby, but it's one of the top reasons I dropped out years ago. BUT prayerfully that won't be the case this time around.

This weekend I put together a bachelorette party for the bride to be (Candice). We hit up Fred's in Huntington beach with about 15 ladies ready to party! No bachelorette party would be complete with out "Bachelorette" sash and fake veil to cause traffic amongst onlookers. After our night out we decided to take it easy on Saturday morning, breakfast at the Harbor House and mani pedis at the spa followed by a little shopping. Girls weekend indeed.

I can't believe in just 6 days I'll be standing behind Candice watching her get married. I've known this girl since I was 16 years old. It always amazes me the way our friendship came about. We've been through some good times, some bad times, some AMAZING times and some crappy times. The amazing will always outweigh the bad and time after time she proves that she will always be there for me. Hmm...thinking some of this might be good for my speech on Saturday. I'm beyond excited for her and Geoff. I've really come to see that they love and care so much about each other.

Only March 14th and the madness continues...

In Awe...

2010-03-10T00:55:00.000-08:00

Tonight was our second week into the series "Miracles". We had special guest hard-core band "Sleeping Giant". They aren't just a band, they are ministry. A ministry that believes miracles are for TODAY, not just when Jesus walked this earth. To them, it's not a shock when someone gets healed. It's not a shock because we should EXPECT God to move. He has empowered us with the ability to go and heal the way He did.

The band was gracious enough to have a time of question and answer, and a time of being able to share their hearts. I don't know about you, but it's always a beautiful thing to me when I hear a man talking about how in love they are with Jesus, God and His Holy Spirit. To know that there are men out there who aren't ashamed or embarrassed to say they love God is truly amazing. They all shared stories of different healings, anything from a man with muscular dystrophy who could hardly stand, walking up out of his chair, or a young man who had a heart blockage that was completely gone two days later!

We praise God for using us to heal the broken, sick, wounded, emotionally abused etc. And somehow we are always surprised when He does it, is it because we lack the faith that He can? Instead of thinking "He can" we should believe that "He WILL". Expect miracles in your life, speak them into existence.

It makes my heart smile when I see how much we have spiritually grown. Watching the students go after God through worship is absolutely amazing to see. They reach out to touch the heart of God! The Holy Spirits presence is undeniable when you walk in that room. We're changing lives one soul at a time. It's an immense blessing to be apart of the Remnant family. A place where you don't need to fit in because you already belong. We'll always strive to make it about someone else and not just ourselves.

It's crazy to think that this is just the beginning... God isn't through with us yet.

Back to Reality

2010-02-16T09:16:00.000-08:00

It's the morning after Kids Winter Camp and I am exhausted to say the least. I got to spend three glorious days in the beauty of God's creation with amazing people. The weekend was so great, the message hit right at home, the worship was energetic and crazy and the kids seemed to really grab ahold of what was being taught. Being able to spend time with the kids is what I love, the times when they let their guards down and open up about what's eating at them. I was fortunate enough to be able to start new relationships and strengthen new ones.

I always have a really hard time coming home after things like this. Anything from missions trips to conferences to camps. It's hard for me because for however many days that I was gone I was surrounded by people who share the same passion as me. People who understand why I do what I do. Encouraging voices and supportive people. And then I come back here... reality. It's a brutal reality that I hate facing when it's time to get back to the grind. I feel like it's confirmation every time that I'm not supposed to be sitting behind a desk making appointments for people and that I'm not supposed to be pushing papers for the rest of my life. I think if anything it fuels my fire for wanting to get out of here.

Please don't read this and think I'm ungrateful. I am very much so blessed that I have the job that I do. That I am able to provide for myself and live a comfortable life without worry of not having money to feed or clothe myself. BUT... when do I say "ok, I'm done. I'm ready to do full time what I'm called to do?" It's what I've been battling for a while, I know that if an opportunity came up for me to do what I love and get paid enough to survive, I would take it. I had a great talk with Moses the other day, not the biblical one. He said the goal would be to get so good at what you love that you get paid for it. That's what I'm heading for. And hear my heart when I say it's not about the money, if I could be a volunteer the rest of my life and not have to worry about bills or rent, I would.

I suppose the whole point of this entry is for me to share my heart and how it hurts this morning.

School?

2010-02-03T20:08:00.001-08:00

I'm the process of trying to figure out whether or not I want to go back to school. I would literally be starting from the very bottom. I'm a college drop out who swore she would never go back to school because it "wasn't for me". I went to RCC straight out of High School but didn't take it seriously. Oh how I wish I had. I suppose if I had I wouldn't be where I am today. I dropped out of RCC because I wanted to start culinary school. Culinary school at the time was a little more than I was able to pay for tuition so that fell through.

Then came Catalyst. I decided that ministry school was where God was leading me. I finished up my two years of biblical classes and finally figured out where I wanted to put my focus, on adolescents, mentoring and counseling. My heart is for making people lives better. Through the one on one coffee dates where I get to listen to people pour their feelings out. It may have taken a while for me to figure out but I suppose it's a blessing that I know now. At least for now anyway...

The past few months all I have been thinking about is "do I want to go back to school?" do I want to spend 800+ dollars on a UNIT, do I want to go back to RCC then transfer to a four year? Do I want to put in the time, and when I say time i mean TIME! We're talking about 6 yrs. of school. I guess if I'm studying what I'm passionate about the time and the effort would all be worth it?

Earlier today I was talking to Chris Harrell and I said "well, I guess if I did go back to school I would only be about 30-32 and that's still really young to have a bachelors in Psychology" and he said who wrote the rule that you have to have it all done by a certain age? Who says you have to be this age or that age to do this? It's not a law, it's not biblical it's not written anywhere. It really made me think. Who says you have to be done and out of college with your degree at 24? If that were the case I really am behind.

Prayers would be great, for clarity on what I wanna do and where I wanna go. I suppose it's where GOD wants me to do and where GOD wants me to go.

Random Association

2010-01-30T15:07:00.001-08:00

You ever have random things remind you of things? Like a certian smell reminds you of elementary school or a certain song reminds you of a high school dance. Trail mix reminds me of being in a boat in Africa on Lake Victoria. Yup, random.

I would LOVE to be there right now. I need to figure out how to teleport!

"To Save a Life"

2010-01-23T08:26:00.000-08:00

Last night my Jr. Leaders and I went to check out this movie “To Save a Life”. I had literally seen zero previews for it, I had only read the synopsis the day before. I was expecting a super cheesy Christian movie with bad acting and a bad script. I was blown away by how accurate the movie was. Yes, it was cheesy but it had such a great message.

The movie is based around two boys who grow up being best friends their entire lives. Freshman year of High School rolls around and one of the boys becomes popular through playing basketball and leaves the other friend behind. Long story short the boy who got left behind ends up taking his life during school because he felt he had no one. (Enter me crying the first time during the movie).

After the suicide the friend who had left him behind starts to feel guilty that he never reached out to him because it wasn’t the “cool” thing to do. He ends up realizing that there are others like his friend that need to feel God’s unconditional love. I could go on and on about the movie but I don’t want to give it all away.

I will say that the movie touched on teen pregnancy, suicide, cutting, hypocrisy in the church, drinking, divorced families the list goes on. I really felt like it was an accurate picture of what teens go through and how so many of them feel like there is nothing left in this world. I probably cried through the whole movie. Not because the acting was Oscar worthy, but because it’s REAL.

Biggest message is to LOVE people regardless of their social status, race, sexuality WHATEVER. Jesus didn’t call us to love conditionally He said love UNconditionally! It breaks my heart to see kids that don’t get loved on because some other kid thinks their too good. I can’t say this enough to my students; we never know what is going on in the lives of these students, all I know is it’s our job to love them.