Twelve Days Later

For the past twelve days I have had the most excruciating pain in my lower back, my sciatic area to be exact. I’ve had back issues ever since I was kid due to a bad car accident where I wasn’t wearing my seat belt. I’ve known chiropractors and physical therapist most of my life.

The pain normally flares up and last no more than a day or two. This pain that I feel now is more than I ever have before. The fact that it wasn’t going away really started to concern me. With a visit to my primary care Dr and a bottle of Ibuprofen later the pain is still there. I finally gave in and made a visit to a highly recommended Dr for chiropractic treatment.

After my first initial exam and x rays it was evident that I have a severely damaged disk that is directly linked to my sciatic nerve. If you know at all what this feels like, I’m sorry. I would never wish this type of pain on anyone. I will be going to the chiropractor for the next month three times a week for adjustments and electric stimulation. If that doesn’t work we move on to decompression that costs 7,000. If that doesn’t work then it’s time to consider surgery. I am putting faith in that I won’t need to go past doing weekly adjustments.

It may not seem like a big deal, but its effecting everything that I do. As easy as it used to be to get in and out of my car, in and out of my bed, walking from the parking lot to my office. These are all things that I now I have to add extra time to because I don’t move as easily as I used to. I risk ripping ligaments so I have to take it slow.

I can handle pain pretty well so the fact that this is effecting me as much as it is can show you how much I am not exaggerating. I would say the worst part about all of this is the emotional toll it’s taking on me. I’ve come to realize that I am emotional person. I think it comes from years of pushing my feelings to the side because I didn’t grow up with a family who embraced feelings and emotions. We were taught that we’re fine, and to move on.

The emotional drainage that I am experiencing is exhausting to say the least. I get frustrated when I can’t walk from my room to the kitchen without stopping because it hurts. Frustrated that I can’t stand for too long. Frustrated that I can’t properly stand up straight.

I know things can be worse. They can always be worse. I’m reminding myself that I am truly blessed that this problem isn’t something bigger. Blessed that it is treatable. Blessed that I can afford to pay for the treatment I am receiving. And finally blessed that situations like these always remind me who cares about me and who is willing to take care of me when it’s needed.

I don’t do well with depending on others. I always feel that when situations like this arise that God is teaching and reminding me that it’s ok that I get taken care of for a change. I’m used to being the one who takes care of everyone. But the reality is that I can’t take care of anyone, if I’m not first taking care of myself.