Pg. 242

DISCLAIMER: If you haven't already read this book and you feel I will ruin it by giving some of it away, do NOT read this post.

I purchased the book "Redeeming Love" on Friday night, it is now Tuesday morning and I am on pg. 242. I don't usually have much time to read, so to be able to read 242 pages in such a short time is a success for me. From the first chapter of this book I was hooked, I cried through a lot of it. Which these days doesn't come as big shock to anyone. The story begins with a young girl living with her mother, mother was a single woman having an affair with a married man who had his own kids to worry about. She comes to the realization that her father doesn't want her, nor did he ever want her. Finding out that she was supposed to be aborted. Father ends up leaving mother and mother and child move out to the docks of New York where mother takes up the oldest profession alive: prostitution.

This young girl is forced to see her mother sell herself for money in order to keep her family alive. Her mother ends up dying when she was just 8 years old. At this point she is left alone in the world with no family to call her own. Her mothers "friend" thinking that he's doing her a favor, ends up selling her off into prostitution, he thought he was selling her off to be with a good rich family. This girl has grown up to believe that she is only good for one thing, and one thing only. She doesn't believe that any man would want her for anything more than what she can do for them. She's used, abused, and emotionally dry. For 10 years she spent her life selling herself for food, shelter, and protection.

Enter Michael Hosea, the epitome of Godly man. He sees her out while she's taking a walk and immediately feels God saying to him "that's her, your future wife". Amazed by her beauty he can not wait to meet her. Until, he finds out that she's the most expensive prostitute around. He can't get over the fact that God would call him to marry a woman of her profession. He obeys, paying money for endless nights just to be able to talk to her and convince her that she can lead a better life for herself and that he can make her happy. This girl doesn't understand how any man would want to give her a good life, how any man can possibly love her, for her. He ends up physically taking her from the brothel she was in, she was one more beating away from being killed when he came to rescue her. Before he takes her he says I'm not taking you until you marry me, she answers "why not?" and so, a marriage began.

The rest of what I've read is where my heart aches, such a good man trying his absolute best to show this woman that God really does exists and that he thinks she's the most beautiful creature created. Showing her that sex and love come together, that sex doesn't just have to be something you get money for. He slowly shows her that he is the man he says he is. Strong, reliable, passionate, provider, listener, loving, etc. The list goes on. I think it restores a bit of faith back into the male species, that a man like this can actually exist. I know a lot of people will say "well that's just a book" well, in my half full glass of water I believe men like this can still be around, I've seen it and experienced it. My heart aches for women who have been so hurt by men in their life that they aren't able to let themselves relate to God in that way because they've never experienced it from any earthly man.

I identify with her because growing up I never had the Godly man to show me that God can really love me the way the bible says He can. I never had those strong male figures in my family to show me that men should take care of their wives, just as women should take of their husbands. It's why till this day I'm still in aww and shock whenever I see men supporting their wives, loving them to no end, and reminding them daily that they love them. A word to the ladies, don't settle for a man because you think there is no one better. I'd rather be alone than in a bad relationship and be miserable. Have faith that God would provide your very own Michael Hosea.



As if my birthday wasn't amazing enough, the beautiful Brenda Harrell asked me to have dinner with her because she wasn't able to celebrate with me on my actual day. I was under the impression that it would just be her, Candice, and I at dinner. As we started walking towards our "three party table" I hear "surprise!" none other than some of my most favorite people. I was not in the least bit expecting to have everyone at dinner. If you didn't already know, I LOVE surprises! I love that someone would go out of their way to think of me and do something that they know I will love. And as if that wasn't enough, everyone had a turn to present a gift and an encouraging word to go with it. Thank you to Brenda, Jolene, Aly, Jesse, Candice, Kelsey, Andrew, Christina, and Stephen for making my birthday that much more special. PCH, you were definitely missed, but we all know you were there in spirit. BEYOND blessed. I am God's favorite.


Redeeming Love

What did I just get myself into? A couple of my favorite ladies who's opinion I value incredibly, suggested I read this book. It's a HUGE book! All 462 pages of it, I'll keep you posted on my progress. Also, I realized that the way I took the picture with my Macbook that the words are backwards, good thing I titled the blog.


Girl Power!

Ok, so the title of the blog is incredibly cheesy, but I realize the older I get the more I value my girlfriends. For the past few months I have been apart of what the leadership at the church calls "Eagles Nest". We have been getting together every few weeks to discuss the book "The Next Generation Leader" by Andy Stanley. I really enjoyed the book, and I really felt like I got a lot out of it with the situations I was facing as a leader. I went into this group thinking I would just be getting together to discuss a book, but what I got was so much more than that.

These women are all so completely different, and yet we all have a common bond. A yearning to be the women of God that we have been called to be. Women who want to make a difference in this world and the people we encounter. We all strive to continue learning and bettering our lives. I am incredibly thankful for these women that I have met. I would have never been able to get to know them for who they are, I would have just gone on with my perception of who they are, which was completely wrong. I am learning that I can't just assume that people are one way, I need to really stop and get to know someone for who they are.

Tonight was the last night we all met as a "Eagles Nest" group. We ended by having dinner and just catching up on what has been happening in our lives the past few weeks. I am thankful that I really feel I have a group of women that I can count on should I need them. The beauty of all of it is that we are all in such different places of our lives that it's nice to be able to look to someone who may have already gone through what I am going through and get the advice or encouragement I need to keep pushing through. And also the other side of it, that I would be able to pay it back in my own unique way.

My hope is that the relationships continue to strengthen, even if we don't see each other every week, or get together every three weeks, but that we would know that we shared something special for a certain time. And that we would make time for each other in our crazy busy lives, filled with meetings, kids, husbands, jobs, ministries, etc.


Goodbye 25 Hello 26

It's official: I am 26. Wowza! What an incredible few days of celebrating. Dinner at my favorite restaurant, relaxing and funny movie, late night flapjacks, Happiest Place on Earth, rode my first roller-coaster, lunch with my sister and nephew, carrot cake from my coworkers, flowers galore, dinner with my grandma (it's her b day too), In N' Out with my church family, ended with reading the beautiful cards I received. I am. loved. Thank you to everyone who text me, facebooked me, emailed me, called me, twittered me, gave me a card, gave me a hug, wished me happy birthday, and anything in-between. And a special shout out to those who endured walking all day, getting their clothes wet, and conquering the fear of heights with me. I appreciate you all more than you know. Twenty five, you were good to me, but it's time I move on to 26.


Enough Is Enough

In one of my recent post "4am Adventures" I talked about how I had to take a rush visit to the ER in the middle of the night. Well, since then I've been back to the ER twice for the same reasons. I feel like I should start reserving my own bed there. Trips to the ER have not exactly been on my "To Do" lists, but sadly it's been making it's way into my schedule. Yesterday morning is when it finally hit me that I believe God is trying to get my attention. I'm not able to take care of my body the way that I should, I'm not allowing myself time to rest, I'm not taking the time to make sure I am 100%. This pattern of get sick, rest a bit, get back into crazy life, sick again, no rest, crazy life, sick again, isn't working. Something's gotta give somewhere.

I broke down crying with my nurse yesterday morning, well, I broke down crying a few times yesterday. The first though was when I was about to get shot up with morphine in my IV and I said to the nurse "Am I going to get a lot of that? Because last time I was in bed for two days and I have a lot of stuff to do today", WOW. As those words were coming out of my mouth, I thought "Really Brenda?" I'm laying in a hospital bed strapped to a heart monitor, an IV, and a blood pressure machine, and I just asked the nurse for little pain medication because I have a lot to do today. There's something wrong with this picture. I let her know what I do for a living and what I do at the church. She said to me "I know I don't know you very well, but I do know that in order for you to continue taking care of other people, you have to take care of yourself" that's when the first set of waterworks came. A wake up call that I really need to SLOW DOWN.

I think sometimes I forget that God never intended for me to be stressed, worried, frustrated, tired, worn out, sick, etc. I get so wrapped up in how much I'm doing FOR Him, when all He wants from me, is me. I can't tell you how frustrated I felt yesterday. Frustrated that I had ZERO time in my day to even schedule a lunch date with my sister because I was going to be in meetings all day, frustrated that I couldn't be 100% for my team, most of all frustrated because I LET myself get this way. To physically be making myself sick because I'm not slowing down enough to take care of myself is NOT what God has intended for me. As I was laying in the ER bed I worried about what I was missing in my meetings, texting and emailing those who needed to know where I was, I just thought to myself, I am ridiculous. Time to change some things around.


Yay or Nay?

I don't take myself as seriously as this photo suggest, just wanted to make that clear. I am also not one to ask a lot of opinions, but in this case I'm curious. I've wanted bangs like this for years, but I never had the guts to actually do it. Yay or nay?