Back to Reality

It's the morning after Kids Winter Camp and I am exhausted to say the least. I got to spend three glorious days in the beauty of God's creation with amazing people. The weekend was so great, the message hit right at home, the worship was energetic and crazy and the kids seemed to really grab ahold of what was being taught. Being able to spend time with the kids is what I love, the times when they let their guards down and open up about what's eating at them. I was fortunate enough to be able to start new relationships and strengthen new ones.

I always have a really hard time coming home after things like this. Anything from missions trips to conferences to camps. It's hard for me because for however many days that I was gone I was surrounded by people who share the same passion as me. People who understand why I do what I do. Encouraging voices and supportive people. And then I come back here... reality. It's a brutal reality that I hate facing when it's time to get back to the grind. I feel like it's confirmation every time that I'm not supposed to be sitting behind a desk making appointments for people and that I'm not supposed to be pushing papers for the rest of my life. I think if anything it fuels my fire for wanting to get out of here.

Please don't read this and think I'm ungrateful. I am very much so blessed that I have the job that I do. That I am able to provide for myself and live a comfortable life without worry of not having money to feed or clothe myself. BUT... when do I say "ok, I'm done. I'm ready to do full time what I'm called to do?" It's what I've been battling for a while, I know that if an opportunity came up for me to do what I love and get paid enough to survive, I would take it. I had a great talk with Moses the other day, not the biblical one. He said the goal would be to get so good at what you love that you get paid for it. That's what I'm heading for. And hear my heart when I say it's not about the money, if I could be a volunteer the rest of my life and not have to worry about bills or rent, I would.

I suppose the whole point of this entry is for me to share my heart and how it hurts this morning.



I'm the process of trying to figure out whether or not I want to go back to school. I would literally be starting from the very bottom. I'm a college drop out who swore she would never go back to school because it "wasn't for me". I went to RCC straight out of High School but didn't take it seriously. Oh how I wish I had. I suppose if I had I wouldn't be where I am today. I dropped out of RCC because I wanted to start culinary school. Culinary school at the time was a little more than I was able to pay for tuition so that fell through.

Then came Catalyst. I decided that ministry school was where God was leading me. I finished up my two years of biblical classes and finally figured out where I wanted to put my focus, on adolescents, mentoring and counseling. My heart is for making people lives better. Through the one on one coffee dates where I get to listen to people pour their feelings out. It may have taken a while for me to figure out but I suppose it's a blessing that I know now. At least for now anyway...

The past few months all I have been thinking about is "do I want to go back to school?" do I want to spend 800+ dollars on a UNIT, do I want to go back to RCC then transfer to a four year? Do I want to put in the time, and when I say time i mean TIME! We're talking about 6 yrs. of school. I guess if I'm studying what I'm passionate about the time and the effort would all be worth it?

Earlier today I was talking to Chris Harrell and I said "well, I guess if I did go back to school I would only be about 30-32 and that's still really young to have a bachelors in Psychology" and he said who wrote the rule that you have to have it all done by a certain age? Who says you have to be this age or that age to do this? It's not a law, it's not biblical it's not written anywhere. It really made me think. Who says you have to be done and out of college with your degree at 24? If that were the case I really am behind.

Prayers would be great, for clarity on what I wanna do and where I wanna go. I suppose it's where GOD wants me to do and where GOD wants me to go.