Music and Lyrics

Ever have a song that you used to LOVE because it just reminded you of the times when things were so good and you just felt on top of the world. And every time you heard you just felt all warm and fuzzy.

But then something happens and now you hear it and you can't STAND to listen to it because it just reminds you of the time when everything used to be good. A time when you were blissfully happy. Only now it just makes you cry?

Ya, me neither.



Ever have God blatantly tell you to do something and you ignored Him? I suppose I should explain why I ask the question. A couple months ago I felt God telling me to move out of my house and get out on my own. Yes, I live out on my own away from family but I live with three amazing women that feels like family. I feel like He was telling me to move so that I could get out of my comfort zone and really experience life on my own.

I decided I was going to do it. I decided that at the beginning of the year (2010) I was going to move out and get my own place. In the past week I had really been struggling with whether or not I was making the right decision by leaving so I started to slowly back out on my plan. I was making excuses. Things like "well if I move out I won't have that much money to travel" or "If I move out then I won't be able to have as much spending money for entertainment" you name it, I was saying it.

On Wednesday I had told myself that I wasn't going to move out. I decided I would stay and save up money for when I really need to leave. On Wednesday Lindsey my beautiful roommate came to me and said she is planning to move out by the middle of October. Which means we either all need to move out OR we need to find another roommate ASAP! Hello wake up call this is God speaking. Instantly I thought "Ok, God is this your way of getting me to move out?"

We had two prospects for roommates but neither one worked out. I really think this is God's way of saying to me "Hey Brenda, I asked you to do something and you're not listening so I'm going to push along the process" Feel free to disagree with me but it sounds about right.

So... here I am... 12:36 am...blogging...and looking at places to live. We'll see what happens BUT I have 3 days to decide what I want to do. All I know is that God is going to take care of me regardless what situation I get myself into. I just need to weigh out all my options.

<3 B.



This Thursday Jolene, Melissa, Es and I ventured on a trip to "Glendale!" to attend a recording of The Ellen Show. I adore Ellen, I think she is hilarious! We didn't get to meet her but the experience of being able to dance next to her was pretty fun. Es won a dance contest towards the beginning of the show and won herself an Ellen T shirt! She won because she did the air guitar so well, Chris would be proud.

After the show was over we were able to take a tour of the Warner Bros Studios. I saw one guy that I have no idea what his name is BUT I know he's on tv! We went to the Central Perk store that I was hoping was going to be the set of F.R.I.E.N.D.S no such luck! I did however see the show's section of memorobila that I would have to admit was overpriced so I passed.

We ended up on Brand st. in this amazing shopping center that most of us girls hadn't been to. We treated ourselves to Mexican cuisine at Frida's and a gourmet cupcake from "Crumb". Here's a quick recap of my favorite moments from the day:

- Dancing w/Ellen

- "Padme"

- "Sur La Table"

- Good conversation

- Blocking the isles at B & N while Es read to us about Twitter

- Singing in the car to old country favorites. Yes, country.

- "Euchre"

I'm glad I got to spend the day with Es, I'm gonna miss her.

<3 B.

J. Leaders Unite

Last night we had a J.Leader hang out. I wanted to do something for the leaders that was just a fun kick back night of good food and good times. I bbq-ed some chicken and we had a fiesta of rice, chips, salsa, tortillas, cookies, brownies, fruit and who could forget otter pops.

We played Spoons, Mafia, Apples to Apples and Guestures (I won it on the ELLEN show, name drop). Playing Spoons had to have been my favorite, Tyler jumping over me was ridiculous! Thankfully no one was hurt by the activites that we played :)

I really just wanted to have a night where I could appreciate them and show them that I care. Also, it was a good way for them to build up their relationships and have fun memories to look back on. Here's a few pictures from last night. Enjoy.

Fan Friday (Double Feature)

The Dominguez Family

This week I chose a family instead of a single person. When I reveal who they are you'll understand why I couldn't just choose one person. I chose Tonya and Abel Dominguez. They are probably one of the best families I know. Sadly they just moved to Texas "Stupid Texas!" if you don't follow me on twitter than that joke just isn't funny ;)

Tonya and Abel,
I chose you two because over the past year I've gotten to know you both a little bit more and the more that I know the more I love. Not to mention you two have the most beautiful and fun loving girls! I wanted to say thank you for everything you've done. Texas is an incredibly lucky state to have you and the family live there. You are both a perfect reminder that when we feel God calling, we should respond. There's no doubt in my mind that God has called you both to do amazing things. I think the best part about it is that you're both a team that works together.

Thank you for being a great example of what a fun loving family should be. I know times can and have been difficult but I've seen you both pull together stronger than I've seen most couples. Thank you for showing us what it's like to be a supportive family. I sincerly hope and pray that where you go you will find everything you've been looking for. You both deserve the best and I know that God is going to bless you with that. As much as I am happy for you, I am also sad that we won't be seeing you around anymore :( March is just around the corner so we have that to look forward to! I wish you both nothing but the best!

<3 B.


Mama Bear

DISCLAIMER: To any man/potential husband reading this, I am NOT baby crazy. Just excited about the future.

I may blame this entry on the fact that I turned 25 and that my biological clock is possibly ticking. I'll be hitting the snooze button on that until A. I get a husband or B. well I suppose there is no plan B. I need the husband before I get the kids.

In the past 4-5 months I've grown really close to a few of our students in our ministry. To the point where they really feel like they are my kids. Buying them food, taking them to and from school, helping with homework, counseling on boy/girl issues etc. I LOVE being able to be there for them in those ways. It's more fulfilling than I ever thought possible. To know that in some small way I'm making their day better just because I cared enough to pick them up from school so they wouldn't have to walk in the heat to their house makes my day.

It really just got me thinking about me having my own family someday and how much more will I love my own kids when I get them. I had a conversation with a father friend of mine the other day about kids and how he says that it's one of the best things in the world. How cool is it that you get to raise your kids and teach them about God and teach them how they should behave or show them how to play sports or play music. It also got me thinking about the fact that I want to be a pastor and how I would have biological kids and also spiritual kids (Youth kids) and how I would really need to work hard at making sure my own kids aren't feeling neglected because I'm paying too much attention to my youth kids.

Clearly this is all just my mind running and me thinking about the future but I suppose as the years go by that this dream of mine will hopefully become a reality sooner than I think it will. I suppose I just want to be somewhat ready for it. My point to all of this is that if life as a "youth mom" is even half as good as being a real mom then sign me up! Never thought I'd see the day where I would be writing blogs about having kids.

Happy Birthday to Me...

I turned 25 on September 21st. Ya, 25! It felt like this year majorly flew by. Twenty four was pretty good to me. I experienced more things that year than any other year before. I suppose every year should be that way, where you experience and learn things that you never have and that it just continues to get better and better. I pray to God that this year be good to me.

I have so many things I want to accomplish this year. I want to go back to school. I want to finish paying off my debt. I want to travel. I want to change lives. I want to change my own. God has blessed me so much that at times I feel I don't deserve it. But deep down I know that I need to just be thankful instead of questioning it. This year will be a big year of trusting in Him. I feel I have some pretty big decisions coming my way and I really need to be listening to what to do.

Thank you to everyone who celebrated with me. Whether it was through text, twitter, emails, cards, voicemails etc. I appreciate you all more than you know! There is only one picture from this weekend and that's the one above that Candice took. BUT here is a recap of my favorite moments from this weekend:

-Chick flick with my favorite ladies

-Dinner at The Cheesecake Factory

-Playing "Mafia" and "Things"

-Spending quality time with my sister and nephew

-Wishing my grandma a Happy 75th birthday when she thought it was her 76th (We share the same b day)

-100+ J. High students singing Happy Birthday to me while on stage during service

-Flowers, cards, cupcakes and body pillows

- Late night dinner with some of my favorite kids @In N Out

Looking forward to 26...


Fan Friday

This is Peter, one of the nicest guys you will ever meet!


It's been a couple years now that I've known you and I must say that you are the epitome of "servent". I think a lot of times people hear that word and automatically think that it's something negative. I see such willingness in your heart to help and do what needs to get done. I think the best part of your willingness to help is that you have the right attitude ALL the time. You are such a positive person and that is definitely needed in the work that we do.

You are such a joy to be around because you are such an uplifting person. I always see you encouraging other students older or younger and even the adult leaders as well. You are a great leader! As the days go by I notice more and more that you possess the qualities it takes to be something incredible! Thank you so much for all of your hardwork and especially for your heart. You are a great example of what our students should be like, in ministry and out of ministry.

I look forward to continue working with you in our Remnant family! Specifically in J. High, we need you there just as much as any other leader! You are definitely someone that we can't replace and don't even want to try to replace. Children's ministry and Next Gen would be lost without you. I pray that God continue to use you because he is doing an amazing job with you, as always ;)



Watering the Seed

This story starts back when I was 18yrs old. I met this boy, his name is Brad. He doesn't read my blog so I'll use his real name. Brad and I have been friends since I was 18 although now we haven't seen eachother in about 3 yrs I still talk to him every so often.

Back in the day he and I were inseperable, from morning to night it was us all the time. I adored the guy, he was my best friend. When I had first met him he had a lot of issues with God. He had lost his friend Max to Muscular Distrophy when Max was a very young age. He felt like God wasn't there for him, like God just felt like taking Max home early for no reason. It broke my heart to see that he had so much hate in his heart. I would always do my best to tell him that God is a God of love but he never seemed to care.

Back in the day when we used to hang out he used to live here in Corona and then eventually moved back with his mom in Hemet. I started noticing that he was drinking more and started to smoke ciggarettes and eventually started trying out weed. I did my best to not be the judgemental friend but I also wasn't going to stand by and let him ruin his life. I tried to be the positive influence in letting him know that he could have better for his life because he has so much potential to be something amazing.

I never really knew if the words I was saying were getting to him or not but I knew that I needed to be honest with him. We stopped hanging out a few years ago because we both started growing out of our "Joey and Dawson" phase and getting on with our paths. I hear from him time to time but I haven't seen him in years. Just yesterday I was thinking about him and how I felt like I did my best to try and influence him in the right direction, a few hours after thinking about him I got this in a text message:

"B, ive only had a handful of best friends in my life. Yet alone a few girls that wanted me in their weddings for a time...but you need to know that no matter where life sends us you were a big part of my life that that i'll always remember and i'm so grateful for u! I would've never found a path to getting healed about Max without u and you know you've been there for so much more. So take this message however you prefer but thank you for so much frienship and it didn't go to waste. I appreciate it and always remember u. And it's not unfortunate that we grew apart becuase you've done so much with your life that could've never happened with me around and I'm proud of you. Almost as much as your father is. You were always there for me. I love u as a best friend now and till I die. Thank you!"

The water works turned on when I read this. My heart sank, in a good way. Him and I have been through a lot together, friends dying, my dad passing away, family drama, friends having babies, friends getting married, the list goes on. Even till this day when something big happeneds he's one of the first that I notify. And a quick update on him: He doesn't smoke ciggarettes or do drugs or even drink that often anymore. He's an awesome father and is with the love of his life.

I say all of this to say that I never imagined that my words would have had any effect on him because he never showed it. We've been friends since I was 18 and I'm going to be 25. All I did was water the seed, God majorly blessed me with being able to see it flourish. God knew what He was doing when he put me in Brad's life. I'm just thankful I get to continue being a part of it.


Fan Friday


I adore you. You're such a good person with a fantastic personality. You're like one of my own kids that I've seen grow up over the years. I would have to say that you're one of the funniest people I know. I laugh at a lot but you seem to make me laugh a bit more than most. I'm so proud of you for the things that you have accomplished in such a short time. I know you are going through some difficult things but I want to remind you that you have your support system to land on. Don't feel too proud to say you need help or advice.

I see you for more than I think you may see yourself. I see immense potential. Potential to get good grades, to mend relationships, to be a supportive son, brother, friend, boyfriend etc. The world has so much that it can offerr you! Be on your toes and go for it! There's no doubt in my mind that you will continue to grow into an amazing man. Set your goals and don't lose sight of them. I'll be here along the way, encouraging you and borderline nagging you to make sure you did your homework ;)

God's going to keep using you if you let Him. What I mean by that is let Him lead you when you feel awkward or when you feel shy ministering to others. He'll guide you in what to say and do, just ask Him. Already you've been doing a fantastic job!

Love you Keyvan!



Fan Friday

Today's lucky Fan Friday winner is: Bryan Corona

Bryan, B, B$,

What can I say? Without making anyone feel left out I must say that you are one of my favorite people. It's been a short time that we have been serving together but I have seen so much growth and maturity in you. You have such an amazing heart for people. I know that If I send you someone that you'll take care of them. You're in such a great time of your life, I encourage you to really enjoy it and take advantage of the days. Don't let oppurtunities pass you by. God has immensely blessed you with so much, a great family, friends, and a ministry family that cares about growing you.

I admire the fact that you're protective of those you love and care about. I think it's great that you support your family and treat your mother and women with respect. I love that you look after your brother even though it may be difficult to get along. He really looks up to you, always remember he's watching and choosing your footsteps.

Remember that everyday that goes by is a battle that can be won with God on your side. I am so blessed and honored that you are part of my life. I love that we can sing old rap songs or go from talking about climbing to astronomy. You're a great man B, I say man because you're not a kid in my eyes. Keep doing what you're doing because it's working!!!

I ain't got nothin' but love for you B!


Divine Appointments and Spiritual Attacks

Yesterday I was having a rough morning to say the least. Chop it up to hormones or just my emotions running wild. Through the day I cleaned the house, unpacked (from a week ago) and did some laundry. Cleaning somehow clears my head, almost therapeutic. That could be because I come from an anal father who always had to have everything spotless.

After cleaning and doing chores and what not I ended up over at the JV offices of SH. My plan was to go and relax in the AC and upload pictures from my trip. I ended up talking to Melissa (Next Gen Coordinator) for a while. I <3 that girl. It's been a short time but she's one of those people that you really feel are your family. She's one of those that I feel I could tell just about anything to. After talking to her I felt a weight lifted. She's so positive and so reassuring. Best of all, she never thinks I'm crazy for feeling what I feel.

As if that meeting wasn't uplifting enough, I ran into P.Dev aka Pastor Devland who always seems to notice when I'm not at my 100%. He's probably one of the few people that I feel really understands me to the fullest. And one of the few people that can call me out on the lie when I say "I'm good :)" After talking to him I really felt like the things that God has placed in my heart were being confirmed.

I titled the second half of the entry "Spiritual attacks" because I feel like lately I've been getting hit left and right. Some in subtle ways, and others just right up in my face. I remember P.Chris saying that if you're not getting attacked then you must not be doing something right. I must be doing a pretty fantastic job at what I'm doing because I'm feeling it. I'm praying to keep myself guarded from attacks and not let my emotions get played with by peoples opinions that were never asked for to begin with.

This may not make sense to you, but again it's more for me to vocalize in some way what I'm feeling. Regardless of whether it's verbal or written.


Emotions And Practicing What I Preach

This entry is more for me than for you. I woke up this morning and instantly felt this overwhelming sense of sadness. I've been noticing more and more that I'm great when it comes to handling other people's problems or issues but when it comes to mine I like to throw them under the rug as if they were piles of dust that I collected from sweeping my heart.

I'm constantly telling my students that they just need to let it out and be honest with themselves. That it's actually good to cry because you release everything inside. So why is it so hard for me to take my own advice? Why do I feel the need to be this so called "Super Woman". Is it because I feel the need to be strong for everyone else? If so, then I may be fooling myself into thinking that I won't someday fall myself.

To be open, honest and transparent, my heart hurts. And it has been for quite a while. Some days are good, some days are bad but I make the best of it. Or do I? Am I making the best of it because I ignore my feelings? If so, I don't think that's progress. I have such a hard time with vulnerablity, I have a hard time with someone else knowing I'm sensitive and weak at times. Why?