Lately I've been so sleep deprived. I feel like I'm averaging about 6 hours a night, which I suppose for some people is good enough. Not for me. I feel like I'm not as young as I used to be. OK ok so I'm only 23, but I feel like every year that goes by makes me a little less willing to stay out late. I remember back in the day, which was a Wednesday by the way. I used to go to work 730 to 4, come home take a couple hour nap and then go out and be out till about 3 am. Doing what you might ask? Nothing that I would do again, haha.

I think once I added school, interning, volunteering etc etc etc. is when my sleep went out the door. I think I also have a problem with "calling it a night" if you will. I'm that person who doesn't like to leave early because I know if I do I'm going to miss something. My goal for this year is to learn when to call it quits.

As I'm writing this I'm having a little bit of trouble staying awake. This couple just brought in the cutest dog to my work. I'm supposed to say "ma'am I'm sorry but we don't allow dogs..." eh, I don't want to tell them that. It's Saturday AND I don't want the dog to die from heat sitting in the car waiting for its owners to get their daily fix of sanity. It makes me want to get a dog :(



My stomach that is...

It's Thursday which means LESS than one week till moving day! I started packing last night and my closet is a bloody nightmare. I'll put it to you this way, it's a walk in closet but there is no where to walk. I can't wait till I can walk up to my house without having to walk the "gauntlet" Corre knows what I'm talking about.

So I got some really great news on Monday, news that I can't exactly spread on here but I am super stoked and excited about it! I can't wait. I feel like things are going really well for me right now. I had a conversation with a friend the other day about how we can't truly fathom all the amazing things that God has in store for us... It's true. I can't. I never thought in a MILLION years that I would be where I am today and I'm just getting started.

On a random note: Candice and I found old home videos of us and a couple other friends from high school from our heathan days. I seriously could not believe some of the words that would fly out of my mouth! Ridiculous. It made me want to slap myself for thinking I was so cool with my "Smirnoff". I'm not gonna lie though, some of our dance moves were pretty snazzy. Haha. It was all a learning experience I suppose. It adds a little flare to my testimony. ;)

Chris Kretzu this blog was NOT inspired by you... He knows what I'm talking about.



Side Note:

I'm a little pissed off with Blogger... I've tried about FIVE times to set up my picture blogging and NOTHING. :-/

Longest week ever...

Man, where do I start? This week has been hectic to say the least. Working 8 hour days to school to work to youth to work to small group to work to school to small group (again) to birthday dinners to work to tent walk and now we're back to work. You get the picture? I haven't had one day this week where I have had nothing to do... What's odd is I love the fact that I'm so busy all the time. I sometimes wonder if I like to be so busy so that way I can't think about the things that are wrong with my life. It's what I used to do anyway... anytime I would have even the slightest bit of time to think about my misfortunes I would burry myself into something. Whether it be work, school, music etc. I think at this point in my life it has nothing to do with that. I keep myself busy yes, but I keep myself busy with doing God's work.

Lately I find myself getting frustrated with people who don't have the same passions as me. Don't get me wrong, I know everyone is different and has their own opinion, but it just flat out upsets me when I'm talking about something thats incredibly important to me and I get the "ya..." response. We just did the tent walk for Give to Live last night and I'm pretty sure that not ONE person I thought would be there showed up. There was so much planning, so much hard work, and even tears at one point. I don't know... I guess I just figured that they would be there in support of what we all worked so hard on these past few months...ya...months. The more I think of it... I'm just glad that those who showed up got something out of it. I know all that work was appreciated by the only person whos opinion truly matters. God.



At Furnace we are in this "Give to Live" series where we want to raise awareness about human traffiking. Every week this month we are focusing on a specific type of traffiking. This week we are focused on sex. Last night we watched "Trade" it focuses on the sex traffiking that happeneds all around the world, and sadly, it included the United States.

This movie was incredibly difficult to watch. The whole movie was based on a 13 yr old girl who is kidnapped from her home in Juarez, Mexico to be used and abused from Mexico all the way to New Jersey where she would be put up for auction and sold to the highest bidder. Writing about this makes me physically ill. I can't wrap my mind around the fact that this is happening in our world today, RIGHT NOW! Right at this very moment someone is being sold, abused, raped... the list goes on.

It just flat out upsets me. It upsets me because I can't physically go to all of these places and save each and every person. Sigh...I'm sitting here trying to finish this entry and I find myself having a hard time looking at my screen as my eyes completely fill with tears. I may not be able to save everyone, but sure as hell am going to do what I can. I encourage you to educate yourself and find out what you yourself can do also. Come to the Furnace for the rest of April. Sunday nights @ 7pm. Do something!



"When I counted up my demons..."

Let me set up the scenery for you, I am sitting upstairs at church where there is not one person. I have Coldplay playing in the background, yes...Coldplay. I will risk getting the "You know how I know you're gay?" Answer: "You like Coldplay". It has to be my favorite band. "And I can write a song, a hundred miles long, well that's where I belong... I wish I could write a song like that.

When I was younger I wanted to become a famous singer. That dream lasted a while and then I realized I didn't really want to be famous, but I definately did/do want to sing. Maybe God wants me to sing for him and to sing with others just for him. I also used to write songs, ya... me. Crazy right? I don't know that any of them were any good but I definately enjoyed it. Almost makes me want to start writing songs again, almost.

I want to start learning how to actually play music. I got a drum set not too long ago, I haven't been able to start lessons. I'm workin' on it though. I'll get there. Hopefully soon. I picked up guitar...haha not technically. I only learned two cords BUT I can play those suckers well! Pretty soon I'll be a one woman show, haha. Probably not.


O.C.D. much?

So theres this woman I work with who EVERYDAY that she comes in to the office she has to sanitize her desk. I'm talking full on getting out the alcohol bottle and paper towels and just going at it. It drives me half way up the wall because all you hear is her banging around moving her keyboard, computer screen, mouse, phone, you name it! Every single day.

You would think that because of where I work that I would be used to things like this. In some way I've gotten used to it BUT... every so often you just kinda wanna be like REALLY!? Is it necessary to sanitize every day? I'm rambling now. She came in at 8 am this morning, it is now 8:28 am, she is still going at it. Now she's sanitizing her hands. Did they not get enough from the desk?

Ok, this has now reached a new level of weird, she just broke out her white out bottles and is cleaning them, oh... here come the pens. Dear God, why are we the way we are? Pretty soon she'll be sanitizing me.

Annoyed and amazed.


Emma Lillian Broughton

Today was the funeral for Aaron and Sonias baby girl Emma Lillian Broughton. I don't know whats worse, having someone in your life for a long time and losing them or never getting to know this person and losing them. I know we are supposed to believe in God and have faith that he knows what he is doing, but we are human and I know we all asked ourselves "why?" I always say that I believe everything happeneds for a reason, so I believe and trust that God knows what he is doing.

I am pretty sure that there wasn't a dry eye in that cemetary. I think when Moses went up to speak is when I couldn't hold back and be that tower of strength that I so much desire to be. Also, Chris played "Somewhere over the rainbow" which of course, reminds me of my Dad because that song was put in his memorial video. I'm not turning it around in any way shape or form to feel sorry for myself for my loss, but you can't help but remember.

All I can say is that family has the most amazing strength I have ever seen. If anyone shall read this, please pray for them.


Just plain tired...

I think this couch that I'm sitting on is probably one of the most comfortable couches I've sat on in a while. I'm pretty much falling asleep over here but I'm excited that I have internet right now. I'm spending the night over @ Tarahs. She's sitting next to me talking about ministry and how to reach out to more people. This girl doesn't get how amazing she is. She's the daughter of the king, don't you forget it.

Me and the girls had a little hair coloring party, I had a picture of it but this computer for some reason wont let me post it. So picture four girls in one bathroom coloring eachothers hair. It was a blasty blast. I'll find out in a few hours when I wake up what my hair looks like.

I also have a picture of Tarah with the biggest tub of butter EVER! but alas this computer will not let me load photos. The reason the picture was funny to me is because it was her with a bowl of spaghettios, a big tub of butter(for her bread), and her bible next to her on the kitchen table. I had 1/2 Cap'n Crunch and 1/2 Life cereal. I know you all desperately wanted to know about our midnight snack.

I am ridiculously exhausted (Saturday) was a very draining day. It was intersting to say the least. I feel like I'm too tired to go over what happened today. But if you want to know here's how it went .


Lunch w/ Mom


Red Robin w/ some amazing people

Hair colored by my personal stylist

Hanging out/spending the night with T.

I need to get up for service in about 5 hrs. Which means... bed time.

Good Night


Everybodys workin' for the weekend...

So... "It's a beatiful day" and I'm sitting at a desk behind a computer screen. Sigh. It's not so bad I suppose. I am tired though. I went to dinner last night with Jolene "left eye" Campbell, it's her new nic name. Haha. When I arrived to the restaurant I was greeted by 4 drunk men and their wives. I got an applause and a "Brenda! So glad you made it!" ah man, good times. Throughout the dinner they would all try to make conversation with us. They even sang a little Keath Sweat, something along the lines of somebodys mind saying no but their body is telling them yes. Side note: We watched "21" it was a pretty good movie, I would recommend it. I love Jim Sturgess too so I guess I'll like any movie he's in.

My mom is picking me up for lunch today. Which is always a good thing because it usually means FREE food. Or being the good daughter that I am I treat her. Saturday is really the only day I'm gauranteed to see her because I am so busy. And even then it's only for about an hour :-/ I really need to make it a point to visit my family more often. I hardly recognize my nephew when I see him because he's changing everyday.

I spoke to my G-pa yesterday afternoon, which was last night for him. He lives out in Florida so I haven't seen him since he moved back to Florida from Corona almost two years ago. When he got on the phone my eyes immediatly began to water. He didn't sound anything like the G-pa that I know. He's 79 but you would think this guy was in his 60's. He has the spirit of a young kid, and he's really loud, outgoing, and nosey (which I love) and is most likely where I got it from (you can blame him). Ever since my Dad passed away two years ago he hasn't been the same. The guys life was crushed when his only son was taken from him. He had a heart attack in October of 07' and since then has been struggling to get better. The problem is that he doesn't really want to get better, I think at this point in his life he's ready to go. Which makes me really sad because I haven't seen him in so long. I gotta get down there sooner than later. I'm actually to the point where I wouldn't even mind flying out there by myself. If anyone would like to go with me that would be cool too :-)


"Like a pen needs a page..."

I was just talking to Candice about TRS and it made me think about the entire album and what it makes me think of. It reminds me of summer of 07' which wasn't that long ago but feels like forever. I can't wait for the summer to roll around. The days when we would hit up the beach and make obscene comments to eachother about who would rub sun block on who haha or is it "whom"? The days of midnight beach runs and bon fires where Chris gets a little lighter fluid happy. Good times.

I don't have much insight for today, but I can tell you that I'm in pain because I'm a retard and I sliced my finger open with a box cutter and now I have a tiny splint on my finger. I took it off yesterday thinking I would be fine...NOPE! Oh, and my shoulder hurts because once again I'm retarded and locked my keys in my car. In the process of getting the lock open with a "slim jim" I basically threw out my shoulder and now I can hardly move it. Sigh, which means I didn't sleep very well, which means I am somewhat cranky. I apologize in advance If I am a "B" to you :-) It's all in love.

Once again...Thee "Hot Mess"


Speak up B!

So learning when and when not to say something has always been an issue for me. I feel like I have something weighing heavy on my heart and I can't bring myself to talk about it. Sometimes I think that If I can't bring myself to talk about it then it must not be worth it. Then I think no that can't be right because I know in my heart that it is worth it. It amazes me how I can be so incredibly sure about something but still have that TINY part of me that doubts.I always feel like I get confirmation from God that my train of thought is correct. Then I think, what makes me think that it's from God? It may very well just be me being crazy. Just when I think I've got it all figured out God throws something else out at me that I just can't ignore. So I'm thinking ok ok I got it! But what do I do with it? I just know that I refuse to live my life in regret of the things I could have said but didn't. So does that mean I just answered my own question about whether or not to speak up? I guess it does :-/ which means I need to prepare myself for the worst and hope and pray for the best. I feel like I rambled terribly, which makes me think that I'm a mess. A hot mess at that. Sigh...